The Ever-Expanding, Neverending List of Awesomeness

It Ain’t That Serious–& YOU–Presents the Definitive Line-up of Awesome.

It’s 12:24am on Wednesday, December 12th, 2007. My brother comes home in 42 hours, give or take a few. I’m giddy.

I’m also just recovering from an epic twosie brought on by a sure-fire entry to this list, Taco Bell. I’m talking an epic fuckin’ deuce. I think I need an IV.

But anyway.

Life is beautiful. Enjoy the post.

I’ve pondered doing this post for a while now. Seeing as how I’m running low on ideas for posts at this time, I figure now is the best moment for it.

This is exactly what title of the post said it was: The Ever-Expanding, Neverending List of Awesomeness. If I think something is awesome, I’m gonna write it down.

Here’s where the fun for you guys comes in. I want you to contribute stuff to the list. Anytime you want, whenever you want, whatever you think is awesome.

There are only 2 (two) rules to this list.

1- No shitting on someone’s comment. If someone thinks Liver and Onions is awesome and you don’t, don’t write “liver n onions iz wack kill urself”. I’ll delete the comment so quick it’ll make your fuckin’ head spin.

2- No negative awesomeness. That includes both “awesomely bad” (we really should be above qualifiers at this point–if you like something, just like it. Forget the rest.) as well as “Not eating liver and onions is awesome.”. Also, if something is really gross or in poor taste, that’s also not cool. That’s some xxlmag.com bullshit, and I’ll delete those kinds of comments so quick you’ll swear the sound barrier was just broken again.

So there ya go. I’ll be putting a link to this post up in the “Pages” section of my front page, so whenever inspiration hits you can add a new comment with a new bit o’ awesome. Explanations are welcome, but not necessary.

ON TO THE LIST!

The Ever-Expanding, Neverending List of Awesomeness

1- Megan Fox. This chick is awesome because she’s hot, she’s tough, and she reminds me of my hot friend Penske, who once lead my drunken arse out of a bar by putting my hands on her boobies and walking backwards ’til I was in the parking lot.

2- Taco Bell. Ya gotta love this stuff. Yeah, it’s fast food and who knows what’s in the meat, but it’s sooo good. Totally worth the gastric olympic hurdles it puts you through.

3- Lightsabers. First off, they make a cool noise when they fire up. They make cool noises when you swing them around. They can cut thru anything. Admit it, you’d trade in your $250 Lime Green Nikes for a lightsaber in a heartbeat.

4- “Dre Day“. “You’s a penguin lookin’ motherfucker.” Classic beat. Classic lyrics. Maybe the best song Dre ever did.

5- Boobs. My goodness, where to begin? First off, like 99.9% of all the boobs I’ve seen have been aesthetically pleasing. Second off, they serve both Emo and Horny purposes. You can lay on them and get some cuddle time going. You can also feel up on ‘em when the out-making gets goood. Motorboating, Lipping the Nipping, Throwing straw wrappers into the cleavage, and the way they feel when you hug a chick all make Boobs f’n awesome.

6- www.alumnah.com- Home to the best bloggers on Los Internetitos. The lineup is so thorough that I’d say that even if I wasn’t part of the staff.

7- “Live Free or Die Hard”. Bruce Willis crackin’ jokes and heads. Suspense, stunts, ’splosions, and Mary Elizabeth Winstead. Awwww yeeeeaaahh.

8- Emmy Rossum. She’s the female lead in “Phantom of the Opera” (movie) as well as a player in “Poseidon” (remake). This girl is so hot it’s un-fucking-fair. I’m such a sucker for Girl-Next-Door brunettes, and she’s the epitome of just that. Plus, she can sing! Albeit, Enya-esque Celtic singing. Whatever!

9- Incense. What they lack in staying-lit-time they make up for in variety and potency of smell. Not just for hippies and cab drivers, these little guys are terriffic.

10- The “Honk the Horn” Hand Motion [||]. You know what I’m talking about. You’re on a road trip. You’re riding shotty. You pass a truck. What do you do? You roll down the window, put your arm and fist in the “Black Power” salute, and crank dat shoulder, boy. If the truck driver is a good ‘un, he’ll honk his horn and let you know that he’ll run over an unsafe motorist if they cut you off.

11- “Aliens in America”. This off-kilter CW show is about a Pakistani Muslim exchange student who teaches his all-too-American host family the deeper meanings of life, love, and family. The show is funny and sweet without being preachy, and the Mom and daughter on the show are both hot.

12- The Brits, Scots, and Irish. Lemme tell ya… They drink like fish and it’s socially accepted, almost encouraged. They have the best slang fucking ever. They have drinking songs. Pubs. Keeley Hazell (google her, stat!). Plus, if British SitCom “Coupling” is any indicator, the women in England aren’t as hung up on looks as their US counterparts are. Not to mention the accents are cool as shit when it’s a dude (absolutely none), and when it’s a girl? Ah maaannn. That’s just sexy right there. Oh, and kilts. I want a kilt. Kilts are fucking gangster.

13- “Jesus Christ Superstar”. Yes, it’s a musical. Yes, it’s about Jesus. It’s also friggin’ incredible. I’ve seen the actual play once on Broadway (Prom 2000, holla!). I’ve seen the OG Movie from the 70s a ton of times. I’m also on my 2nd copy of the soundtrack, which I have practically memorized. It’s chock full of anachronisms, but it’s also incredibly powerful. It’s a nice spin on the whole story of the Crucifixion and day or two leading up to it. Plus, the guy who played Judas in the 70’s OG movie is the Man. Even Samuel L. Jackson would pay respects to dude. (He passed, so RIP Guy who played Judas).

14- Text Messaging. Ya know, aside from the annoying text shorthand (hey wuz up nm u?), I love everything about texting. My pops loves bugging me when I’m on the phone, so texting is now my primary form of communication. I actually once sent and received over 6,000 text messages in a month (unlimited texting = heckuva drug). I can text with my right hand without even looking at the phone. Heh, if texting acumen was a turn on to ladies I’d be swimming in the ocean of Boobs.

15- Queen Latifah. Okay, lemme just say that I don’t give two fricks whether or not the Queen is a lesbian. Heck, if she’s not hooking up with me I’d actually prefer she hook up with a girl over another guy. At least that way when I’m thinking about her getting it onnnnn it’s cool, and not borderline creepy. Queen Latifah is hot, she’s classy, she’s a confident big girl, and she introduced the phrase, “Oh. You local.” into the hip-hop lexicon. Give it to’em queen!

***

Alright kids, that’s the first 15 bits of awesomeness to get the list started. The list requires you to keep adding to it! Make it a point to check in, cuz odds are really good I’m gonna add to it.

Leave your contributions to the Ever-Expanding, Neverending List of Awesomeness in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section, and we’ll see if we can’t make this list the coolest glossary of greatness fucking ever.

Thanks,

–RTH aka Dr. Beardhussein aka Uncle The Hussein