First: Some Emo-ness.
Today is the 2nd anniversary of the day that changed my life forever, the final nail in the coffin of my adolescence.
Today is the 2nd anniversary of a day that will always both hurt and haunt me, a day that I felt more pain than maybe ever before in my life.
I’d go into detail, but despite my status as a Blog Exhibitionist, there are some things I don’t ever need brought up in “ether” form.
So, that being said, I’m gonna go the complete opposite direction and post a wacky, irreverent blog–full of aggressive content and warm, chewy centers.
Life is too fucking short to dwell on that kinda shit, so put on your happy hats and giggle galoshes, and let’s take a ride out to SillyVille.
After all…It ain’t that serious.
In my travels throughout the blogosphere, I’ve noticed that the same movies get brought up over and over and over again: Scarface, Goodfellas, The Godfather, Casino, New Jack City, Menace II Society, Boyz N The Hood, House Party,
The English Patient, The Usual Suspects, Carlito’s Way.
Blah Blah Blah *yawn* Yadda Yadda Yadda. Some gangster guy starts out as a low level thug, gets to be a mid level thug, says “Fuck it” and becomes a top level thug, and then gets the shit shot out of him/throws a party/turns out to be Kevin Spacey/Eventually makes Scent of a Woman.
Now I’m not saying that some of the supercool hip-hopsters are pretty much into the same shit over and over again, but some of you motherfuckers are into the same shit over and over again.
Fear not, because Uncle The Hussein has a list of movies that ya’ll can put on in the comfort of your own homes where you don’t need to be all thuggish and in character, and enjoy the odd-yet-awesome selections from Rey’s “I can’t believe you’ve never seen that!” Collection.
1- Ernest Goes to Camp. Yes, I did just say that. Jim Varney’s lovable hero, Ernest P. Worrell is at the top of his game in this mid-80’s classic. Featuring thugs that look like they got cut from the “Beat it” video, parachuting turtles, Camp Kikakee, Eggs Erroneous, Flaming toilets catapulted at wrongdoers, and Lyle Alzado, this movie is sorely underrated and underappreciated.
2. My Boyfriend’s Back. This a twist on the fairy tale so many girls (and XFacta) grew up on: Boy meets girl, Boy falls for girl, Boy gets shot during fake robbery gone wrong whilst trying to impress girl–then comes back from the grave because as he was about to die she totally said she’d go to the prom with him. Now, I stay away from absolutes and hyperbole as much as I can, but this is absolutely the single greatest romantic comedy in the history of mankind. Seriously tho’, this one is off the wall weird.. Zombies, Dorks, Angry mobs, Matthew Muh-Kon-A-Hay, Matthew Fox (before Lost), and a classic teen-comedy hottie playing the female lead. Check it out!
3. Diggstown. Switching it up a bit, Diggstown is one of those awesome flicks that is completely under the radar. Luckily, the Rey-dar (get it? get it? ahhh, whadda you know from funny?) managed to catch this one. James Woods plays a conman who manages to get Louis Gosset Jr. to agree to box against 10 men in 24 hours in a huge bet/scam to get the riches of the Evil Land-owner, played by Bruce Dern. This one is funny and dramatic, without ever being too corny. (out of all the flicks on the list, this might be the “best” one).
4. Demolition Man. Oh yes, Demolition Man. Stallone. Bullock. Snipes. Leary. The movie that inspired Dennis Rodman to dye his hair all sortsa stupid colors. Sylvester Stallone plays “John Spartan”, a bad ass cop that gets crygenically frozen for a crime he didn’t committ (boy, if I had a nickel..). Wesley Snipes plays “Simon Phoenix” a seriously warped and twisted villain who is also frozen for a shitload of crimes he dang sure committed. Anyhoo, they both meet up in the future, trade awesome one-liners, and blow shit up. Classic movie, plus it features Taco Bell which, as we all know, is the greatest fast food franchise everrrrr.
5. Return of the Killer Tomatoes. My brother’s high school choir teacher (brother jokes are off limits!) found this gem at a video store, looked at it and said, “Hmm, The Boy will like this one..”. He brought it home, we put it on…and proceeded to laugh ourselves hysterically for the next 90 minutes. Full of sight gags, bad puns, friggin’ tomatoes.. There was NOTHING this movie didn’t have! The first one was “just aight” from what I recall, but this sequel really did have me l’ing my “a” off. Plus! George Clooney (pretty much the coolest guy on the planet–even back then) is in it!
And in Conclusion…
So yeah, that’s my list. Check your thugosity at the door and enjoy some pure entertainment. Worse comes to worse, you hate them.. but I’m willing to bet that even the SuperCoolest of SuperCool kids will find some of the above funny, if not a nice little guilty pleasure. [||]
PS– There’s a picture for all you guys complaining about the lack of one…you bastards, you.