RTH Discusses his Favorite High School Comedies.
I had a blast in High School. I was the King of my own little empire, I had my choice of girls, I was the lead actor in the Drama Club (don’t front–most of ya’ll act everyday on the websites ya’ll frequent), and every day was another exciting adventure.
This month is the tenth anniversary of the beginning of my senior year of High School, and as such, I’ve decided to pay tribute to my favorite High School movies.
I’m sure some of you will agree, some of you will disagree, and some of you will wonder just what the hell one or two of these flicks are about.
American Pie- This movie came out in 1999, over a year after I graduated. It lead the way in the resurgence of Teen Flicks, and it brought back a staple of American Cinema: The Teenage Sex Comedy. We’ve all seen it, so I’ll hit the highlights: the beer-job, the pie, the webcast, Nadia’s Boobies, Shitbreak, Stifler’s mom and, of course, “This one time? At Band Camp?…”. What I dug about this movie was, in addition to the hilarity and the eye candy (Tara Reid, Alyson Hannigan, Shannon Elizabeth, Mena Suvari, that sexy voiced brunette chick that said “Tell him Courtney says ‘Hi’.”) was that I could relate to a ton of that awkwardness. Thankfully, I wasn’t the “Jim” character–that would be my friend “Chris Turk” who actually had his dad walk in on him and his GF 69ing once, which lead to the porn’n’condom talk–true story. Nope, I was more like “Kevin”, the guy in the long term relationship driven mad by a lack of boo-tay. While the kids in this movie were a bit too photogenic for High School kids, I still found that the majority of the events in the film were mostly realistic. Classic movie, great sequel, and altho’ they were kinda running out of gas by the time the 3rd one came out, they managed to close out the trilogy in a happy way.
Classic Line- “SUCK ME, BEAUTIFUL!”
Angus– This is one I’m sure the majority of my readers haven’t seen. (well, maybe Icon and Greenie–they seem like movie dorks). Angus is about a fat kid who’s “good at science and fair at football” and gets tormented by James “Dawson” VanDerBeek, The Token Black Guy, and Eric Murphy from “Entourage”. It was made back in 1995, so the soundtrack is full of Greenday soundalikes. Like most teen flicks, it revolved around a crush on a girl. Angus dug Melissa LeFever (aka the blonde girl from “Jurassic Park”) and, due to a cruel prank by Dawson, the two of them end up as King and Queen of some big dance. Angus and his buddy Troy (aka “The Sherminator”) try to “cool” themselves up a bit, but it doesn’t work. I dug this movie cuz the lead was an awkward fat kid–something I can relate to. He gives the prerequisite “Big Speech at the End of the Teen Movie” but it’s a good one that I wish more kids would actually take to heart. Anyway–aside from all the Emo stuff, the movie’s actually really funny and it’s a good time if you like seeing Dawson get punched in the nose.
Classic Lines- (sorry, had to IMDB a few of these)
Angus: But most of them walk through these halls EVERY DAY, never telling anybody what they really think, or feel, or believe, because people like you, NORMAL people like YOU, have them TERRIFIED of being who they REALLY are. If YOU’RE normal, what does that make all of them? So which is it, Rick? Are you normal? Or are you just one of us?
Rick (aka James VanDerBeek): Whatever I am, it’s something you’re never gonna be.
Angus: Thank God
One Crazy Summer- Keeping it obscure and waaayyyy less emo, I present to you John Cusack’s mid-80s classic. This one is full of wacky schemes, funny dream sequences, goofy yet endearing sidekicks, Bobcat Goldthwait in a Godzilla suit, and a pre-stardom Demi Moore and Jeremy Piven. John Cusack’s character, “Hoops McCann”, is a daydreamy cartoonist who spends a summer (what, you were expecting autumn?) on Nantucket with his best friend and a cadre of odd companions. He meets Demi Moore, falls for her, and agrees to help her to save her Grandfather’s boarding home from the Evil Rich Land Developers, The Beckersteds. They all meet up in a big boat race to determine the outcome of the Little Guy vs Evil Rich Guy battle. Again, this is a funny 80s comedy that’s irreverent and clever enough to stand the test of time. Plus: Bobcat Goldthwait. In a Godzilla suit. Trust me, it works.
Egg Stork (Bobcat): Ack Ack, let me tell you a little story. A story about a little fat kid who everybody made fun of, and nobody liked and he had a twin brother, and everybody said he never looked like his twin brother, but he wanted to…
Ack Ack Raymond (Booger from Revenge of the Nerds): Egg, where you that little boy?
Egg Stork: No! No! But I used to beat the shit out him! “Why are you so fat? Why are so ugly?” Aaagghh!
Ack Ack Raymond: Great story, thanks.
Can’t Hardly Wait- This is, hands down, my favorite teen movie of alllll time. Definitely the one I can relate to the most. They got the casting right with the right mix of “beautiful” people and “normal” people. They got the archetypes of characters down cold: The overly chatty reminiscing guy, the artsy guy in the band, the Wiggers, the holier-than-thou “anti-popular kids” girl, the stoners, the cocky popular kids, the sci-fi dorks– I swear, they must’ve sent scouts to my High School. Ethan Embry’s character, “Preston” has a crush on Jennifer Love Hewitt’s character, “Amanda”. He sets out to make his move on Amanda because JLH’s boyfriend dumped her the nite before graduation thinking his boys will dump their girlfriends in order to pursue college ‘tang with him. Along the way we’re introduced to Kenny Fisher (aka Seth “Scott Evil, Chris Griffin” Green), William Lichter, an Angel Stripper, and a lovely dance scene between pre-fame Jamie Pressly and Tamala Jones. It’s a shame that this movie gets grouped in with lesser faire just for being the predecessor to the rest of the Teen Movie invasion, which included more clunkers than Pharrell’s In My Mind. To me, that’d be like grouping in “New Edition” with motherfucking “O-Town”. Anyway, this movie is fucking awesome. If you don’t laugh at it, you are sincerely and truly trying way, way too hard to be…pretty much everything this blog is against.
Kenny Fisher: Yo, I gotta have sex tonight! I mean peep this – They say here ninety-two percent of the honeys at UCLA are sexually active. Ninety-two percent of the women in Los Angeles at UCLA walking around going, “Class… or sex? What shall I do?” Ninety-two percent, yo! Hey, you know what that means?
Ritchie Koolboy: What?
Kenny Fisher: It means I gots a ninety-two percent chance of embarrassing myself. I roll up on that shorty be like, “What’s up yo?” she be like, “You don’t know 20 different ways to make me call you Big Poppa” cuz I don’t yo.
Not Another Teen Movie- Okay, given the fact that I love these kindsa movies, I was still amped to see a movie parodying them all. Hence, NATM. I thought this movie was hysterical, and after viewing the director’s cut of it during Labor Day weekend, I still think it’s hysterical. It sends up every teen flick imaginable, from “Fast Times at Ridgemont High” & “The Breakfast Club” to recent films such as “Ten Things I Hate About You” and “She’s All That”. It incorporates every cliche, but in a way that’s respectful to the genre. Plus, it’s the last parody movie to come out with an “R” rating, which means it’s got real jokes and clever sequences and not just “Scary/Date/Epic Movie” style MTV send-ups and 8,675,309 shots to the groin. Seriously man, I liked Scary Movies 1 & 2, 3 was clever, but 4 and both Epic and Date Movies seriously made me wanna beat the shit out the “2 out of the 6 writers of Scary Movie 1”. Like, sincerely beat the shit out of them. In front of their parents. *takes deep breath* Alright, where was I? Oh yeah. This is another funny-ass movie, and is stil the reigning “Funniest Movie I’ve Ever Seen”.
Classic Line- “Sure, I’m just the Token Black Guy. I’m just supposed to smile, stay out of the conversation and say things like: ‘Shit!’, ‘Damn!’, and ‘That is wack!’.”
Call Reynolds, cuz it’s a wrap.
I hope you guys enjoyed my rundown. If you haven’t seen one, two, or more of these movies, I strongly suggest you do. They’re all funny–some of them are sweet–so take off the “I’m so cool that everything else sucks!” boots and leave on the Silly Socks, and enjoy the show.
…It ain’t that serious.