*Ghostrides the Millennium Falcon*

Han's Whip

It’s time to get some non-sequitors up in this motherfucker.

I normally wouldn’t kill posts after just one day, but I feel like I should add some levity.

So now, for your reading pleasure, I’m gonna riff on some random shit.

This will be different from the “Mini-Cheeseburgers” or “Aaaaannnnd…You’re Done” posts, so buckle up and let’s get fuckin’ wacky.

1- I’m listening to songs from “The Little Mermaid” right now. That’s right. I fuckin’ said it. Ursula The Sea Witch totally reminds me of my 10th grade math teacher.

2- I saw “Good Luck Chuck” tonite. Before the movie, I thought Dane Cook was overrated as all git out, and Jessica Alba was too skinny to be that hot anymore. After seeing the movie, I’ve realized that Dane Cook has a career as an actor, and Jessica Alba is fuckin’ ridiculously hot. A good Romantic Comedy with enough boobs and sophomoric humor to make a dude laugh, but with a plausible (enough) luh storee for the girls to dig.

3- I’m still waiting for f’n Eskay (http://www.nahright.com) to start his “Nahgger Blahgger” role call.

4- www.hiphopdx.com is my go-to spot for hip-hop news. I’m NR every day all day (quite literally), but HHDX is pretty thorough–even tho’ Eskay gets the new music quicker. Their blog staff is pretty on point, even tho’ I think the NR Blog Family is >.

5- www.xxlmag.com is pretty bad lately. Billy Sunday of DallasPenn (see my blogroll) is dope, and the Joe Budden blogs are dope, but the rest of that staff is wack as fuck. Bol’s a one trick pony, Fresh is either one step above or one step below being one of those people talking in front of a green screen on “Best Week Ever”, and Noz is a snobby asshole straight up and down.

6- www.allhiphop.com used to be my favorite spot, but their new layout kind of…um…sucks.

7- I switched from “The Little Mermaid” to Jodeci’s “Cry For You”. Aww Yeeeahhh.

8- Is it just me, or does every original show on Comedy Central kinda suck? I mean, I’m home every day all day now, and every time I’m watching Scrubs or a movie or stand up, they’re running commercials for some stupid ass show. I’ve never watched an episode of “Drawn Together”, and I probably never, ever will. Same goes for “Reno 911”, “American Body Shop”, or “The Sarah Silverman Program”. The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are okay every once in a while, as is South Park, but for the most part, that shit be mad wack, son.

9- Speaking of Mad Wack, ya know what I hate? Made up white guy words. I read “Stuff Magazine” (for the articles, honest!), and they have this section called, “Flowcabulary”, where they have some kind of stupid made up word that means something…I dunno…that, in my mind, can only be described as Young White Frat Guyish. Examples include “Gaysted” (when chicks get so drunk they make out”), and “Sexting” (having one’s girlfriend text them sexy things). I mean, it’s funny when the homey IFux (http://ifux.blogspot.com) says “No Bromance” when he’s talking about a dude he’s close with [||], but that’s as far as it goes. If you see someone trying way to hard to make “Fetch” happen, slap them.

10- Since we’re at it, what’s up with people adding “Man” in front of stuff that’s inherently female, or implies opposite sex activities being undertaken on by dudes? (No Homo on the whole post). Examples: “Man-Date”, “Man Crush”, “Man-purse”, etc etc. Look assholes, putting “Man” in front of something sounds like you’re desperately auditioning for an episode of “No Minorities Allowed”, er, “Friends”.

11- The Family Guy “Star Wars” episode was on last nite, and it was fucking hilarious. As you can tell, I’m big into the Star Wars. No conventions or books or toys (except for maybe a lightsaber or two–or gifts) or costumes  for me, just the movies. I hate that people hate on the Prequel Trilogy so much.. Buncha angry cynical ass fucking Haters if you ask me. Yes, Jar Jar was annoying and Anakin could have been better. By my count, there was still a billion other dope things going on–not to mention the sick political commentary. I bring that up because not only was the Family Guy SW thing funny, but it was also done by obvious fans of the SW trilogies. No cheap shots, no subliminal bitching, just a hilarious love note/mash up. Bravo, Seth McFarlane.

12- Are all guys named “Seth” funny? Seth Green, Seth McFarlane, Seth Rogan.. Maybe I should change my name to “SethTheHussein”…

13- Ya know what I miss? I miss watching girls make out. Thanks to some “experimental” girls I knew, parties thrown at my house and trips to the bar were good for at least one good Girl-On-Girl adventure. It never really got too graphic (rats!), but dangit, in terms of Pure Aesthetics, you’re not gonna top 2 girls kissing. Nowadays tho’ the girls I knew who I could count on to go at it with each other are no longer friends, or they’ve moved, or whatever. BULLSHIT! That’s what Uncle The Hussein says.

14- You know who would make a good President? Michael Winslow. You know, “Officer Jones” from the “Police Academy” movies.

15- I copped “The Monster Squad” and “From Dusk ‘Till Dawn” last week. Classic flicks. If you haven’t seen either, get off your arse and check them out.

16- Shows that need to be on DVD like, now: “You Can’t Do That On Television”, “Salute Your Shorts”, “RoundHouse”, “The Wonder Years”, and “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose”. Seriously. I’d cop all of them. I mean, I could go out and cop “Grey’s Anatomy” if I wanted to, but who in the bluest of fucks actually cares about that show? Fuck McSteamy and McDreamy and McVomit and McBarfy.. Give me Alistair, DonkeyLips, Kevin’n’Paul’n’Winnie, and Parker’n’Mikey’n’Jerry…and of course, Kubiak. (“Eat now?”)

17- So I’m flipping channels today and I’m land on Bravo’s list of the 100 Funniest Comedies of all time. I knew I was in trouble when I saw “Napoleon Dynamite” on the list. I mean, come on, that movie was fucking terrible. It sincerely makes me physically angry as to how bad it was. I mean, I sat through motherfucking “Soul Plane” in the theater…THE THEATER…and I laughed more than I did watching Jon Heder’s insipid debut. To make things worse, Bravo had Adam Sandler’s “The Wedding Singer” at number 8. NUMBER 8!!! ‘The Fuck??? I mean, that movie was okay, but I can name a dozen movies better than that to come out this century, nevermind the entire history of Motion Pictures.

18- Why is it that when people ask me about “Flavor of Love”, they continue to explain the show to me after I’ve already said I’ve never seen it? I mean, seriously, I just said “No, I’ve never seen an episode” or “I’d rather rip my tongue out, freeze it with NitroGlycerine, and then jab the pointy ends into my eyes than watch that show”, yet they’ll still tell me about the exploits of Flav and his cadre of B-Team Strippers. I…Don’t…Care!

19- Does anyone else think that Soulja Boy should be locked away in a secret prison 2 miles below the surface of the earth?

20- Am I wrong for really wanting to sleep with Kelly Clarkson?

***
Call Reynolds, Cuz It’s A Wrap.

Okay Blogkateers, I’m done for tonite. Thanks for stopping by.

–RTH

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19 Responses to “*Ghostrides the Millennium Falcon*”

  1. State of Grace Says:

    To quote Andy Kindler when he was doing actual comedy here in Vancouver: “Dane Cook is worse than Hitler, because at least Hitler had a point of view” Forget the bus, I’ll throw that motherfucker under every tank in Tiananmen Square. And I’d get some napalm going on too. I don’t like him is what I’m saying.

    Monster Squad is dope though, “kick him in the nards!”

    Reno 911 is often very funny, but Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert will be remembered as two of the greatest Americans of the 21st Century.

    *ghostrides the bantha*

  2. Busta Nut Says:

    6- http://www.allhiphop.com used to be my favorite spot, but their new layout kind of…um…sucks.

    ^^^^^

    True dat….That Friday Fire used to be umm ahh.. Fire!!!

    ==========

    “Grey’s Anatomy” > “Rey’s lobotomy”

    Your funnier when you crazy..

    What up Rey, have ever watched “Arrested Development” i have just finished the first season and it’s up there with Scrubs!!!!

    You should check out this brittish show, it only aired a few times but it is the funniest show ever here is the link to what it is about, i’ll post the show links when i finish work.

    Peace:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garth_Marenghi's_Darkplace

  3. Busta Nut Says:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Garth_Marenghi%27s_Darkplace

  4. LL(not the rappa) Says:

    reey I like greys anatomy! *hangs head*..lol.funny post

  5. reythehussein Says:

    In Reverse:

    @ LL– Umm.. Yeah.. I watched one of those clip shows of Grey’s once, it was the most annoying clip show in the history of clip shows. Plus, it’s basically “Scrubs” but with the angst cranked way up. It’s okay tho’, my real venom is reserved for “House, MD”.

    @ Busta Cracka The English Smacka- Link me up, homey! I’ll check it out. I’ve never watched “Arrested Development” but I heard it’s funny. I’m not knocking AHH necessarily, their layout is just kinda weird IMO, the old layout was much easier to follow.

    @ S of G– I’ve liked all of Dane Cook’s movies, he’s got a sincere bit of talent, which is good.. But his stand up? Ehhh.. It’s more miss than hit from what I’ve heard, but the fanatacism around him is what makes him a target. “TMS” is the shit, flat out.. I’ll never watch Reno 911, and even tho’ I don’t check for either, Jon Stewart is funny–and Stephen Colbert gets 100 points for ethering the Bush Administration at that White House Press Corp Dinner last year.

    Thanks to all for checking and leaving some goodness for me! [||]

  6. Phuque Says:

    6- http://www.allhiphop.com used to be my favorite spot, but their new layout kind of…um…sucks.

    ^^

    Agreed.

    Good post.

  7. pockets Says:

    grey’s anatomy sucks a certain part of my anatomy. house, scrubs, and ER are way better than that piece of crap. o yea u were mad on point (no homo double pause) when u said house is just dr. cox (super triple homo-no double reverse points) with a limp.

    agreed: wedding singer should not be eight. do u remember wat was no. 1?

    ur not wrong for wanting to sex up kelly clarkson, im wrong for knowing the words to all her songs.

    btw ur blog is top notch dude. i really need to write somethign up for u. ill start thinking of shit to write lol, altho the best comedy is always in the middle of convos talking about certain topics like how weezy looks like black kermit or aggressively active generally public content.

  8. Soul Says:

    Reymundo Telemundo was like:

    “9- Speaking of Mad Wack, ya know what I hate? Made up white guy words.”

    ===========================================

    Rey – what about “Bangover”? My homie said he had “a terrible bangover” on Sunday morning… apparently, it’s the feeling you get after excessive sex during a one night stand.

    That’s some hyper white-boy shit, non?

  9. reythehussein Says:

    Thanks Phuque!

    @ 2Pock– #1 was Animal House. No real argument there, but I thought “Airplane” shoulda been at the tippety top. Dude, you can write about whatever you want. Heck, half the reason I started this thing was to give you a forum. Double Half-Caf No Homo With a Shot of HazelNut, Extra No Homo on the Nut Part of Hazelnut.

    @ Soul– Yeah, that’s definitely crackalicious right there.. It’s not as bad as some of the other ones. We’ll pretend a black or hispanic dude came up with “Bangover”.

    Thanks for stopping by, gentleman.

  10. CAPS ON LOCK Says:

    6- http://www.allhiphop.com used to be my favorite spot, but their new layout kind of…um…sucks

    ^^^

    cO-sIGN…IT’S UGLY

  11. reythehussein Says:

    Word.. Their layout was waayyy easier to use the last time..

    News bits all the way to the right, features and rumors and reviews all the way to the left. Now it’s hard to find the interviews and stuff, which is where AHH beats a bunch of the other sites.

    HHDX’s redesign is much easier to use, IMO.

  12. benhameen Says:

    3- I’m still waiting for f’n Eskay (http://www.nahright.com) to start his “Nahgger Blahgger” role call.

    I think eskay hates us..but in the meantime Im adding you to the worldwidedj world call…good enuff? and all hip hop used to b my spot too havent gone back since the layout change. and Illseed is fucking annoying. sounds like a thirteen year old…

  13. thoreauly77 Says:

    i say “brotally” sometimes. its rush week here at UCSB, maybe i should join a frat. that might be weird living in a frat-house with my 2 1/2 year old daughter though.

  14. eyecandy girl Says:

    The greys antamoy is not bad at all . Keep up informed with that

  15. reythehussein Says:

    ^^^^^Aaaaannnnd…you’re done

  16. Mark Twain Fame Says:

    Rey you a trip bruh…damn good blog though. keep it weird and nerdy.
    -also Monster Squad!…………..you my muthafuckin homie.

  17. reythehussein Says:

    Thanks homey. Kick him in the nards!

  18. retro Says:

    Go Colbert! As wacky and wierd as he is, I’d vote for him.

  19. reythehussein Says:

    Colbert gets points for the Ether he spewed during that White House Press Corp dinner a year or two ago.

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