It’s time to get some non-sequitors up in this motherfucker.
I normally wouldn’t kill posts after just one day, but I feel like I should add some levity.
So now, for your reading pleasure, I’m gonna riff on some random shit.
This will be different from the “Mini-Cheeseburgers” or “Aaaaannnnd…You’re Done” posts, so buckle up and let’s get fuckin’ wacky.
1- I’m listening to songs from “The Little Mermaid” right now. That’s right. I fuckin’ said it. Ursula The Sea Witch totally reminds me of my 10th grade math teacher.
2- I saw “Good Luck Chuck” tonite. Before the movie, I thought Dane Cook was overrated as all git out, and Jessica Alba was too skinny to be that hot anymore. After seeing the movie, I’ve realized that Dane Cook has a career as an actor, and Jessica Alba is fuckin’ ridiculously hot. A good Romantic Comedy with enough boobs and sophomoric humor to make a dude laugh, but with a plausible (enough) luh storee for the girls to dig.
3- I’m still waiting for f’n Eskay (http://www.nahright.com) to start his “Nahgger Blahgger” role call.
4- www.hiphopdx.com is my go-to spot for hip-hop news. I’m NR every day all day (quite literally), but HHDX is pretty thorough–even tho’ Eskay gets the new music quicker. Their blog staff is pretty on point, even tho’ I think the NR Blog Family is >.
5- www.xxlmag.com is pretty bad lately. Billy Sunday of DallasPenn (see my blogroll) is dope, and the Joe Budden blogs are dope, but the rest of that staff is wack as fuck. Bol’s a one trick pony, Fresh is either one step above or one step below being one of those people talking in front of a green screen on “Best Week Ever”, and Noz is a snobby asshole straight up and down.
6- www.allhiphop.com used to be my favorite spot, but their new layout kind of…um…sucks.
7- I switched from “The Little Mermaid” to Jodeci’s “Cry For You”. Aww Yeeeahhh.
8- Is it just me, or does every original show on Comedy Central kinda suck? I mean, I’m home every day all day now, and every time I’m watching Scrubs or a movie or stand up, they’re running commercials for some stupid ass show. I’ve never watched an episode of “Drawn Together”, and I probably never, ever will. Same goes for “Reno 911”, “American Body Shop”, or “The Sarah Silverman Program”. The Daily Show and The Colbert Report are okay every once in a while, as is South Park, but for the most part, that shit be mad wack, son.
9- Speaking of Mad Wack, ya know what I hate? Made up white guy words. I read “Stuff Magazine” (for the articles, honest!), and they have this section called, “Flowcabulary”, where they have some kind of stupid made up word that means something…I dunno…that, in my mind, can only be described as Young White Frat Guyish. Examples include “Gaysted” (when chicks get so drunk they make out”), and “Sexting” (having one’s girlfriend text them sexy things). I mean, it’s funny when the homey IFux (http://ifux.blogspot.com) says “No Bromance” when he’s talking about a dude he’s close with [||], but that’s as far as it goes. If you see someone trying way to hard to make “Fetch” happen, slap them.
10- Since we’re at it, what’s up with people adding “Man” in front of stuff that’s inherently female, or implies opposite sex activities being undertaken on by dudes? (No Homo on the whole post). Examples: “Man-Date”, “Man Crush”, “Man-purse”, etc etc. Look assholes, putting “Man” in front of something sounds like you’re desperately auditioning for an episode of “No Minorities Allowed”, er, “Friends”.
11- The Family Guy “Star Wars” episode was on last nite, and it was fucking hilarious. As you can tell, I’m big into the Star Wars. No conventions or books or toys (except for maybe a lightsaber or two–or gifts) or costumes for me, just the movies. I hate that people hate on the Prequel Trilogy so much.. Buncha angry cynical ass fucking Haters if you ask me. Yes, Jar Jar was annoying and Anakin could have been better. By my count, there was still a billion other dope things going on–not to mention the sick political commentary. I bring that up because not only was the Family Guy SW thing funny, but it was also done by obvious fans of the SW trilogies. No cheap shots, no subliminal bitching, just a hilarious love note/mash up. Bravo, Seth McFarlane.
12- Are all guys named “Seth” funny? Seth Green, Seth McFarlane, Seth Rogan.. Maybe I should change my name to “SethTheHussein”…
13- Ya know what I miss? I miss watching girls make out. Thanks to some “experimental” girls I knew, parties thrown at my house and trips to the bar were good for at least one good Girl-On-Girl adventure. It never really got too graphic (rats!), but dangit, in terms of Pure Aesthetics, you’re not gonna top 2 girls kissing. Nowadays tho’ the girls I knew who I could count on to go at it with each other are no longer friends, or they’ve moved, or whatever. BULLSHIT! That’s what Uncle The Hussein says.
14- You know who would make a good President? Michael Winslow. You know, “Officer Jones” from the “Police Academy” movies.
15- I copped “The Monster Squad” and “From Dusk ‘Till Dawn” last week. Classic flicks. If you haven’t seen either, get off your arse and check them out.
16- Shows that need to be on DVD like, now: “You Can’t Do That On Television”, “Salute Your Shorts”, “RoundHouse”, “The Wonder Years”, and “Parker Lewis Can’t Lose”. Seriously. I’d cop all of them. I mean, I could go out and cop “Grey’s Anatomy” if I wanted to, but who in the bluest of fucks actually cares about that show? Fuck McSteamy and McDreamy and McVomit and McBarfy.. Give me Alistair, DonkeyLips, Kevin’n’Paul’n’Winnie, and Parker’n’Mikey’n’Jerry…and of course, Kubiak. (“Eat now?”)
17- So I’m flipping channels today and I’m land on Bravo’s list of the 100 Funniest Comedies of all time. I knew I was in trouble when I saw “Napoleon Dynamite” on the list. I mean, come on, that movie was fucking terrible. It sincerely makes me physically angry as to how bad it was. I mean, I sat through motherfucking “Soul Plane” in the theater…THE THEATER…and I laughed more than I did watching Jon Heder’s insipid debut. To make things worse, Bravo had Adam Sandler’s “The Wedding Singer” at number 8. NUMBER 8!!! ‘The Fuck??? I mean, that movie was okay, but I can name a dozen movies better than that to come out this century, nevermind the entire history of Motion Pictures.
18- Why is it that when people ask me about “Flavor of Love”, they continue to explain the show to me after I’ve already said I’ve never seen it? I mean, seriously, I just said “No, I’ve never seen an episode” or “I’d rather rip my tongue out, freeze it with NitroGlycerine, and then jab the pointy ends into my eyes than watch that show”, yet they’ll still tell me about the exploits of Flav and his cadre of B-Team Strippers. I…Don’t…Care!
19- Does anyone else think that Soulja Boy should be locked away in a secret prison 2 miles below the surface of the earth?
20- Am I wrong for really wanting to sleep with Kelly Clarkson?
Call Reynolds, Cuz It’s A Wrap.
Okay Blogkateers, I’m done for tonite. Thanks for stopping by.