It Ain’t That Serious Salutes The Best Christmas Present Ever.
It’s just past quarter to 3 on the morning of Monday, November 26th. Thanksgiving Weekend has just ended, and we’re officially at the beginning of the countdown to Christmas.
I’m in decent spirits. I went bowling Saturday nite with Turk, Tiburon and a few other friends. A chatty trip to the diner followed and a good time was had by all. Sunday I saw The Mist with my friend ‘Bell. Later on I visited with my ex & current friend Smeb, and I wound down the evening hanging out with Tiburon and DTMJ.
Sooo, rather than take to my Mi Espacio blog, I decided to cook something up for the IATS faithful for their Monday morning at work.
The great thing about having a DVR is that when a good movie is shown at a time when I’m looking to be on the computer or sleeping, I can record whatever and watch it when I am up and wanting to watch TV. As it is, the only TV I really watch is Scrubs, but when that’s not on during a TV mood, I’m usually screwed. Sooo, Mr. DVR comes in handy.
Today I was watching a DVR’d flick from earlier in the week, Mortal Kombat. I remember being floored when this movie came out. The CGI effects were considered cutting edge, and the MK franchise was experiencing tremendous success from the successful coin-op games and their home console versions. So yeah, I was geeked, and I dug the movie. Johnny Cage vs Scorpio holds us pretty well today in the era of wire-fighting and digital stuntmen.
The rest of the movie? Ehh, Not so much.
However, the MK enjoyment and the presence of Tiburon (My resident Tech guy) reminded me that I wanted to bust out the greatest Christmas Present myself and my brother, The Road Noog, have ever received:
The Sega Genesis.
I was in 5th grade when the Genesis came out. That was the big-ticket item that year and me and my brother were positively stunned when we opened up our last christmas present in my mom’s Jersey City apartment. The box was enormous and inside lay an untoppable gift.
See, we grew up poor, and Christmas wasn’t exactly the best time. We’d get our share of toys and stuff, but on that first day of school following Christmas Vacation, other kids would be going on and on about all the toys and video games and bikes and electronics, and I’d be sitting there going, “Um…I got some Ninja Turtles and some home-made clothes from my Abuela.”
But! Not that year. That year I could finally stunt on the little bastard white kids and other assorted irritants at Hemlock Park Elementary School. We only had one controller and one game, Altered Beast, but to me and Road Noogy Noog, we hit the friggin’ jackpot.
So tonite, Tiburon hooked up the genesis (I’m electronically stupid) and I got to rock out with my Sega Genesis. (or, as my mom called it, the “jenna sega-sys”). It brought back all kinds of memories of Middle School and growing up in that Jersey City apartment. I mean, I lived with Pops on LI, but with my mom working, J.C. was where I got to listen to whatever I wanted, where I got to ponder life and girls and growing up while riding the path train into the World Trade Center to visit her, or taking the bus to the mall (Both the Hudson Mall and the Newport Mall).
The video game bleeps and boops and tunes were as much of a soundtrack of my life from 10-14 as the music that came out from that era (everything from ‘Nilla Ice to Biggie). So, with that in mind, here are the games I had and my thoughts on why they were awesome.
Altered Beast- From the moment Zeus said “Rise from your grave!”, you were in for some shit. You got to turn into a werewolf, a dragon, a bear, a tiger, and finally a golden werewolf. You got to kill zombies and flying demons and big ol’ creepy monsters. It was awesome.
Target Earth- Not having much money, new games were usually from the $30 and under bin. “Target Earth” was one of them. You were this little guy in a green suit blowing up alien robots and junk, and you had a ton of different weapons to use. It was actually pretty fun, even with two formidable glitches. The first was that on certain levels, you could float thru space indefinately even tho’ the mission had ended–whicih always resulted in hitting the reset button. The other was that you could have no energy left and still not have your little green armored suit guy die.
ThunderForce 3– Apparently, “ThunderForce 3” was the sequel to a fairly popular game called “ThunderForce 2” (duh), which we didn’t own. In “TF3” you flew a space ship and blew a bunch of shit up, from other ships to aliens. Come to think of it, it’s a lot like “Target Earth”, except you’re a ship instead of a green suited dude. Either way, my older brother, Gator, was the only one who ever beat the danged game.
Sonic The Hedgehog Part 2- This was the first A-List game we ever got, and we got it for Christmas 1992, right when it came out. This game brought in the spin-dash, as well as introduced the Memphis Bleek to Sonic’s Jay-Z, Miles “Tails” Prower. I loved this game and did fairly well at it (I’m tear-i-bull at video games), even tho’ I couldn’t beat it if I wanted to. The 2-Player mode was fun, as both The Road Noog and I could play at the same time–a first for us. Rings, Robitnik, The Spin Dash, and a memorable soundtrack made for a classic game. My one pet peeve was this: When asshole Nintendofiles would play Sonic, they’d call his rings “coins”. Mario had coins, assholes. Sonic had rings! (feel free to ask about my undying hatred and boycott of Nintendo in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section)
Street Fighter 2 Turbo Champion Edition- The legend comes to Sega. I loved this game, and it really needs no description. I will say that I think I only beat the game once on a level that could actually get you to see my chosen fighter’s ending. The rest of the time I got sarcastic messages like, “Hey asshole, quit playing on the Jim Jones Retard level and start playing for real”. Oh, and just for the record: Ryu > Ken. Yeah, I said it.
Mortal Kombat- The frenzy surrounding this game was amazing. Blood! Fatalities! All kinds of gangsterness! The Genesis version was graphically inferior to the Super Nintendo version, but the Genesis still won out for one very good reason: ABACABB. That’s right, The Blood Code. (no, i’m not talking about Lil’ Wayne’s alleged set). That bit of blood and the cool fatalities gave the Sega Genesis version the nod over those mushroom eating dickheads over at Nintendork Land. Fun Fact: “Mortal Kombat” and “Enter the Wu Tang: 36 Chambers” came out around the same time, fall 1993. Since they both spoke about Shaolin, I thought there was some kind of cryptic bond between the Wu and the video game. I didn’t know until I actually heard the entire Wu-Tang album that Shaolin was merely their nickname for Staten Island. Whatever. My cassette single game from 1991-1994 was better than all of yours.
Mortal Kombat 2- “Mortal Kombat 2” had even more hype and more expectations than it’s predecessor did when it dropped in late summer 1994. This time tho’, Nintendo’s version was better than the Genesis version. We couldn’t really afford the game, and I didn’t end up copping it until 3 years later, Christmas break 1997–in a video game store in the Oaks Mall in Gainesville, Florida. This game was packed with all sortsa shit. Each character had more special moves, their old fatalities plus a new fatality, as well as a friendship. This was definitely the highlight of the “MK” game series, as MK3 was crap, and the rest took the storyline to idiotic realms.
Greendog: The Beached Surfer Dude- This game was one that I think Road Noogy Noog purchased on a whim one day in the summer of 1993. It was this surfer guy walking around with a necklace he couldn’t remove in search of the 6 pieces of an enchanted surfboard that could remove the curse of his weird necklace. The game was fun and, from what I recall, was fairly popular. I dunno. It was aaaaight.
Honorable Mention Games- “Boogerman”, “NBA Jam”, and “Streets of Rage 2”. The first was gross-out humor and a ton of fun. The second is a classic gonzo sports game. (I was always Patrick Ewing and John Starks), and the 3rd has always been my favorite video game besides maybe Sonic 2 and Tetris. Plus, S of R 2 was a game I could actually beat by myself and get the real ending, which was nice. I should ebay that MoFo.
Call Reynolds, Cuz It’s a Wrap.
I’m glad my Genesis is hooked up to the big tv in the living room once again. It’ll give me something to do (I’ve gotta beat one of those fuckin’ games!) that isn’t mindlessly clicking around online, or napping for no reason, or flipping thru channels ad nauseum. PLUS! My brother Nooga is coming home to visit in a little less than 3 weeks, and it’ll be awesome to play video games with him again. I miss him since he moved to stupid fuckin’ San Diego (no offense, Fuxito), and I’m looking forward to his return, as I haven’t seen him since last September, 2006.
So there ya go. My Sega Genesis is awesome, and ol’ Dr. Beardhussein wouldn’t trade it for a Wii, an X-Box 360, or a PS3. Keep your realistic computer graphics and whatnot. Keep your broadband gaming. Keep your cut-scenes and your memory cards and your wireless controllers and your HD whatever-the-hecks.
I’ve got 16 Bits of awesomeness, and 17 years of memories. Piss off, Next-Gen. I’ve got my Sega Gen.
Thanks for tuning in,