Guilty Pleasures Volume 1

guilty pleasures

Roll the car windows up. Shut the blinds. It’s Guilty Pleasure Time. [||]

It’s quarter to Seven on Wednesday nite. I’m in good spirits.

The chores are (mostly) done, My unemployment check got deposited today, my exgirlfriend is propositioning me (no chance, she’s married), and life is beautiful. Later on I’m gonna walk F.R.E.D. around the backyard and get a nice hit of that evening fall air that I dig. It’s cold outside, leaves are on the ground, and I’m happy to be alive.

I’m also listening to a cheesy 80s song, which inspired this entry.

Enjoy.

We all have our guilty pleasures in life. Some secret bit of behavior that we either keep entirely to ourselves, or only reveal to sympathetic friends who are just as guilty. Some of you might secretly blast Beyonce’s “Irreplaceable” in the whip whilst on the highway, but then switch to something more Thuggable when close to home. Some of you might watch Oprah. Some of you might quaff fruity mixed drinks instead of the Hennessy beverages your thugs in crime might prefer.

You might watch cartoons or still have a stuffed animal that you’ve had since birth and have a great deal of affection for it that you’ll never admit. Whatever it is, it’s a guilty pleasure–a bit of happiness that gives you joy for no other reason than it’s good, or funny, or gets you amped up.

Here are some of Dr. Beardhussein’s Guilty Pleasures:

1- Ketchup. You know how there’s always that one guy in your group of friends that either uses a ton of ketchup or puts ketchup on everything? Yeah, that’s me. Eggs, Pancakes, Pork Chops, Grilled Cheese… You name it and it’s got some ‘chup on it. Matter ‘fact, the only condiment I dig more than Ketchup is A-1 sauce. I’ve seriously made A-1 sandwiches. Yeah, it’s that good. (sorry, I couldn’t resist).

2- The Wonder Years. Kevin. Winnie. Paul. Wayne. The whole f’n gang. The Kevin’n’Winnie courtship/relationship episodes are my absolute favorite, and I totally yell at the TV during sad bits of adolescent fuckery. It’s a heck of an angsty ride, but I am powerless to resist.

3- Jermaine Stewart’s We Don’t Have to…   –> This song got me so hyper and “dancing in the computer room to the point where the dog said ‘AAAAYYYOOOO!’ and then left”  a second ago that it inspired this whole entry.

4- WWE Monday Night Raw. Yes, it’s fake, but it’s also awesome. You get to talk shit at someone, beat them up using foreign objects and inventive moves, and not get arrested or shot in retaliation. Plus, if your girlfriend ends up falling for a bad guy after you lose a “Girlfriend must spend a weekend with your enemy” match, you’re totally allowed to hit him with a steel chair AND you can perform your finishing move on your former GF right in front of 20,000 people! Believe me, there’s not one reader of this blog that doesn’t wanna give his or her ex the Stone Cold Stunner or the Rock Bottom from time to time.

5- Scrubs. –> Watch this the whole way thru. You won’t be disappointed. Well, unless you’re State of Grace, at which point your perception of cool has been tragically altered as a result of all the paint chips you’ve eaten over the years.

6- Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food Ice Cream. Chocolate Ice Cream + Caramel + Marshmallows + Little Fudge Fish = Crack. Straight from Vermont, those two hippies have concocted something amazing. Don’t even front on this.

7- Karaoke. No, I’m not a drunken japanese businessman (well, not today anyway), but dangit, there’s something about getting up on stage in a smoky bar and belting out the Fugees’ version of “No Woman, No Cry” that I love. Admit it, at this moment, you’re already going, “I remem-bah! When we used to rock…”.

8- Byron “Ashlee” Crawford’s Blogs. Look, I think this guy is an unbelievable asshole poser, but I still check in to see what kind of douchebaggery he’s slopping out onto Los Internetitos from time to time. Plus, his reviews of both Jim Jones’ On My Way To Church and the Dipset’s Diplomatic Immunity 1 album are classically hilarious.

9- 80s Teen Movies. I’m actually gonna to a full post on this later on in the week, but I figured I’d include it.

10- Gym Class Heroes, “Clothes Off”. Mind you, I think I’m better than Travis from GCH, but this song is awesome. His lyrics are okay but he rides the beat pretty well [||]. The thing that makes this song awesome is the fact that the chorus is sung by none other than Fall Out Boy’s lead singer, Patrick Stump.

Call Reynolds, cuz it’s a Wrap.

So yeah, those are just some the things I get a bit geeky over. Just little bits of mirth and mischief that I like to indulge in from time to time.

Feel free to include some of your own bits of secret dorky fun in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.

Thanks for checking in,

 –RTH

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20 Responses to “Guilty Pleasures Volume 1”

  1. klaire kleens klits Says:

    My guilty pleasure
    I’ve been reading this blog forever and I love it! I never posted a comment before but I feel everything you write.

  2. reythehussein Says:

    Hmm… On the one hand, your name is overtly sexual aaannnnd has 3 K’s in it. Now, why would 3 K’s be bad? On the other hand, I’d like to think I have lurkers out there that actually read my blog but just choose not to comment.

    Sooo, I can’t really take this too seriously. However, I’m not deleting this comment because my ego demands tribute, and this is close enough.

    If this is sincere, thanks–I appreciate it. If not, I’m sure there are more constructive things you can do with your time.

    –Rey

  3. State of Grace Says:

    Alright, everything was all good until flagrant shots were fired in my direction. Let’s do this.

    Ketchup on anything but hamburgers, hot dogs, and the like is dead wrong. Except for ketchup chips, which are awesome, but not sold in America.

    Freaks and Geeks > The Wonder Years

    I kinda want the white hat in the Jermaine Stewart video.

    Wrestling was a guilty pleasure growing up. I don’t watch it anymore, but I get where you’re coming from. It’s a bit too homo these days though. If someone is going to be a hulking shiny mass of half-nudity, he’d better spout nonsense and hilarity at an Ultimate Warrior level or better.

    I will give Scrubs props for the Loverboy, always a source of hilarity. I only wish I could show you the one episode of one of the only good Canadian shows ever (only 1 episode was made) that not only evokes Loverboy, but INVOLVES Loverboy. Of course, they had the homefield advantage. Poison is a hot jam too, but a few cheesy tunes and some funny dancing do not a comedy show make. Meanwhile, I’m forced to subsist on rumours of an alleged Arrested Development movie. Goddammit.

    Chunky Monkey > Phish Food (until they add actual phish-style “ingredients”) Come on!

    Karaoke is dope. Especially if you’re actually in Japan getting loaded in a tiny room packed with Japanese people. I need to go on vacation again.

    Byron Crawford is very strange. He sometimes has interesting posts and sometimes talks about the Real World. No amount of disclaimers.

    80s Teen Movies can be awesome too, except Pretty in Pink, what a shitball that was.

    Athlete’s foot on my balls > Gym Class Heroes (thanks for repopularizing Supertramp, assholes)

    Some of my guilty pleasures: Superfriends (the plotholes both infuriate and fascinate me), The Steve Miller Band (they’re just good-time tunes dammit!), Cool As Ice (but you knew that), long island ice tea (do I need to explain this?), and revelling in the unbelievable amount of booing and hooting that’s accompanying the CNN Youtube Republican debate.

  4. reythehussein Says:

    State of Grace Says:

    November 29, 2007 at 4:39 am edit

    Alright, everything was all good until flagrant shots were fired in my direction. Let’s do this. Heh, I had to.

    Ketchup on anything but hamburgers, hot dogs, and the like is dead wrong. Except for ketchup chips, which are awesome, but not sold in America. Ya know, I wasn’t a big fan of the Ketchup chips. You know what’s good? Dill Pickle (pause) Potato Chips. Those are strangely addicting.

    Freaks and Geeks > The Wonder Years I’ve never seen it, but from what I saw on the 40 YO Virgin dvd, they look like 2 different kinds of shows. I’m vaguely curious about that one and “Undeclared” cuz I’m becoming an Apatow/Rogan stan.

    I kinda want the white hat in the Jermaine Stewart video. Snoop’s “Sensual Seduction” video was similar to this one. Both awesomely bad. Emphasis on awesome…and bad.

    Wrestling was a guilty pleasure growing up. I don’t watch it anymore, but I get where you’re coming from. It’s a bit too homo these days though. If someone is going to be a hulking shiny mass of half-nudity, he’d better spout nonsense and hilarity at an Ultimate Warrior level or better. I try to ignore the homoeroticness of that. The Warrior interviews were hilarious. I never liked him tho’. I was a Hulkamaniac. Don’t bring up WrestleMania VI tho’ or I’ll slap you.

    I will give Scrubs props for the Loverboy, always a source of hilarity. I only wish I could show you the one episode of one of the only good Canadian shows ever (only 1 episode was made) that not only evokes Loverboy, but INVOLVES Loverboy. Of course, they had the homefield advantage. Poison is a hot jam too, but a few cheesy tunes and some funny dancing do not a comedy show make. Meanwhile, I’m forced to subsist on rumours of an alleged Arrested Development movie. Goddammit. Umm… I don’t think I get the Loverboy. Please explain that. The only “Loverboy” I know is the Patrick Dempsey movie. I dug that flick, but “Can’t Buy Me Love” was better. Scrubs is awesome. I’ve never seen “Arrested Development”, but in my defense I wasn’t a big TV watcher from like mid-1998 until I got laid off back in September.

    Chunky Monkey > Phish Food (until they add actual phish-style “ingredients”) Come on! I’ve only tried weed once, so I can’t high-five for that. There was a fair amount of Chunky Monkey Propaganda in “Hot Fuzz” tho’.

    Karaoke is dope. Especially if you’re actually in Japan getting loaded in a tiny room packed with Japanese people. I need to go on vacation again. I should try this.

    Byron Crawford is very strange. He sometimes has interesting posts and sometimes talks about the Real World. No amount of disclaimers. He’d be cooler if he didn’t take himself so danged seriously. Dude tries too hard sometimes. NHOC.

    80s Teen Movies can be awesome too, except Pretty in Pink, what a shitball that was. That’s the one with “Blaine”, right? I turned it off after that. Ducky seemed cool tho’. Check for that 80s movie post on Friday. Jeah!

    Athlete’s foot on my balls > Gym Class Heroes (thanks for repopularizing Supertramp, assholes) LOL.. I know zip about SuperTramp aside from the sample/interpolation on “Cupid’s Chokehold”, but I still laughed at this one. GCH have maybe 3 or 4 fun, catchy songs. The “Clothes off” one and the one about myspace are the standouts.

    Some of my guilty pleasures: Superfriends (the plotholes both infuriate and fascinate me), The Steve Miller Band (they’re just good-time tunes dammit!), Cool As Ice (but you knew that), long island ice tea (do I need to explain this?), and revelling in the unbelievable amount of booing and hooting that’s accompanying the CNN Youtube Republican debate. I’m not up on the first 2, but I’m with you on “Cool as Ice”, I love LIIT (my boy Maverick got carried out of my other friends wedding after 5 of those. Empty Stomach + 5 LIIT divided by 110lb Kid = Hilarity. Hmm, I wanna check out how Ron Paul did. A friend of mine is a huge RP supporter. I think he’s a nutter with a few good ideas. I’m not big on politics in general, but all the conspiracy nuts on Nah Right have made me even worse.

    THANKS FOR CHECKING IN, STATE O.!!!

  5. Big Homie Says:

    WOW at this post…shit had me dying. I put ketchup on just about everything, but its more of hotsauce with me. I put that shit on everything…everything. Not too big on wrestling…that is why there is Hip Hop. Wonder Years is classic. Winnie would definitely get it.

  6. reythehussein Says:

    @ Big Homie– Rap and Pro Wrestling are the exact same thing.

    Heck, even the shirt off, baby-oiled muscles (nh) thing is the same.

    I think I just got an idea for an alumnah post…

    (rap and wrestling, not babyoiled muscles)

    Thanks for checking in!

  7. EnglandRepresent Says:

    HP Sauce Reymundo, HP Sauce. Say it with me, ‘H……P……..Sauce’. That shit is pure brilliance. English of course. Tastes amazing on a bacon and egg sarnie in the morning with a cup of tea. I was addicted to the Wonder Years. How come it was always Summer? WWE?? Not since I was 12 and I can’t get why peoples over that age still watch it, no shots fired. Whatever floats your boat I guess. Best Ice Cream is Connoiseur’s Cafe Grande. Karaoke, only ever done it once, I sucked salty balls (nhoc). Bol’s blogs? I used to be an avid reader. Ever since that vid of him that had him displaying a severe head leaning tilt was aired he kinda fell back a bit. I don’t take anything he writes seriously though so I find it amusing. Having said that I haven’t checked for his blog for about 2 or 3 months now. His buzz has died down. My guilty pleasures : fucking without a condom and skeeting inside your girl. Maltesers. Drinking Stella Artois and eating Walker’s Cheese and Onion crisps. That is all. Big ups Reymundo.

  8. reythehussein Says:

    lol.. Dang, EngRep.. That was most efficient of you.

    I will hunt down this “HP Sauce” you speak of, as well as the Stella Artois.

    Thanks for checking in!

  9. Trevor Tahiem Smith Jr Says:

    Ha ha, great post Chief – This is the kind of post i was talking about when talking about the Jd “King of the Nerds” episode of Scrubs..

    Here goes…

    1- Ketchup – Have to Co-sign EngRep here H to the P sauce is tha shit!!

    2- The Wonder Years – I used to watch this & Boy meets world back in the day.. Was “Ross” from friends not in it??

    3- “Free Bird” by Lynyrd Skynyrd – Amazing tune…

    4- WWE Monday Night Raw – Ah shiiiitt i aint watched the wrestling since back in the day – come to think of it i kind of miss it..

    5- Scrubs – “Certified Scrub stan”

    6- Ben & Jerry’s Phish Food Ice Cream – Not had ice cream for a while Scotland’s to cold to be fucking with Ice C.R.E.A.M

    7- Karaoke – James – “Sit Down” Is my Karaoke ish – youtube it Rey..

    8- Byron “Ashlee” Crawford’s Blogs -He has kinda fell off but his was the first blog i started reading before i found Nah to the Right…

    9- 80s Teen Movies. I’m actually more of a sports movie kinda guy, There are few things better than a classic under dog sports movie..

    10- Gym Class Heroes – Dont talk to me about “GCH”…
    My guilty displeasure is the fact i bought this album!!! The two singles were cool but the rest is a hot mess…

    My guilty pleasures: Listening to rock & power ballads when no one is around, youtube(I’ll watch anything), Mobb Deep, flamin hot monster munch,phil collins, sick days from work & pro evo on the xbox 360….

  10. Trevor Tahiem Smith Jr Says:

    I’m forced to subsist on rumours of an alleged Arrested Development movie. Goddammit

    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^

    link or die….

    I hope this is true i need another season of Arrested Development or a movie at least.. Tobias Fünke was the funniest man on television..

  11. T DOT Says:

    -Do you know how hyped I was back in the day, when I found out wrestlemania 6 was gonna be in the skydome? Had the imitation Million Dollar Belt and everything.

    -I think your scrubs-love is similar to my guilty pleasure of Boston Legal. It’s William Shatner’s best TV role, straight up and down.

    -Ketchup Chips is a Canadian staple. I once introduced them to an American friend of a friend. She orgasmed similar to those Herbal Essence commercials.

    -Guitar Hero. Nothing like playing ‘Sweet Child O Mine’ on hard, and impressing friends. Oh and Free Byrd on GH is incredible too.

    -Wonder Years is classic, Freaks and Geeks was an amazing show that no one watched. But nothing beats the greatest, funniest, sitcom in history. Arrested Development. REY QUIT SLEEPING ON IT.

    -I’ve said it before, I catch the odd raw and smackdown here and there, just to stay relevant with my single digit aged lil’ cousins who are 100% down with the WWE. That Raw vs. Smackdown 2008 is crazy on 360.

  12. Trevor Tahiem Smith Jr Says:

    But nothing beats the greatest, funniest, sitcom in history. Arrested Development. REY QUIT SLEEPING ON IT.

    ^^^^^^^^^^^

    Co – sign

    Rey you need to step your Arrested Development game up.. It’s as good as Scrubs…

  13. reythehussein Says:

    @ TrevTaSmith– You just stay making me guess, huh Busta? If you ever change your e-mail addy I’m gonna be lost! I’m totally with you on the Power Ballads stuff. And yeah, I did finally get around to the “King of the Nerds” post you suggested. You get total credit for this ‘un.

    @ T-Dot– WM 6 was horrible. I refuse to discuss the details, but Hulkamania was never the same after that, and I was a HUUUUGE Hulkamaniac. As for the rest, my pops is a huge Boston Legal fan. William Shatner cracks him up. I don’t mess with Guitar Hero that much, but I did dabble with “Crazy in love” (heart, not beyonce).

    @ Trevor & T-Dot — I’ll check out Arrested Development as soon as I can. A link would be most helpful.

    Thanks to both for checking in!

  14. Bust-a-Stone Cold Rhymin Move Young MC Says:

    http://www.sidereel.com for all your Arrested Development needs….

    Have a good weekend chief….

  15. JANGZ Says:

    strippers treat me like i’m made of wallet

    nice post 1

  16. reythehussein Says:

    Thanks Busta!

    @ Jango Fett– Ah, the skrip club! That’s a pretty common guilty pleasure, methinks. Thanks for checking in!

  17. thoreauly77 Says:

    thank you for the “guilty pleasure” disclaimer — otherwise i would be VERY worried about you. gym class heros? good sweet jumping jesus on a pogo stick my friend, really? i will pretend to ignore the ketchup thing (we all have one of those friends), but please dont put it on a steak. if you do, you lose. or maybe new york does, who knows? i am drunk and i want to sing karaoke, so disregard anything i have written unless it stings of truth.

    word rey!

  18. reythehussein Says:

    @ Thor– Heh, I have to throw those friggin’ disclaimers in.

    My friend burned me a copy of the Gym Class Heroes most recent CD. They’ve got 4 or 5 good songs, even tho’ I insist I’m waaayyy better than Travis.

    I don’t put ketchup on steak 99% of the time. I think it’s terrible.

    lol.. If you’re drunk and in a singin’ mood, I sugges “Louie Louie”.

    It’s a good sting, capitan!

    Thanks for checking in, Thor!

  19. State of Grace Says:

    I wiki’d Wrestlemania 6 to refresh my memory of it, and I came across this line in the Rowdy Roddy Piper vs. Bad News Brown match: “Piper appeared with half of his body painted in black, after being labeled as racist by Bad News Brown.” That’s so fucking bizarre and hilarious it negates any depression caused by your Hogan stannery. Hogan was garbage anyway, remember the back-rake move? The hell was that?

  20. reythehussein Says:

    Heh.. Bad News Brown was awesome.

    Hulk Hogan was great. How can you say he was garbage?? Plus, the back-rake was Hollywood Hogan–Hulk’s bad guy character.

    Pffff…

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