ReyTheHussein Lists The Top 10 IATS Moments of 2007
It’s 12:31am on Monday, December 31st, 2007. It’s the last day of a year that pretty good for ol’ Dr. Beardhussein. Sure, I had my very publicized downs, but I also had a lot of fun.
It’s warm in the office, and I’m in the mood for bloggin’.
When I started IATS back on August 17th, 2007, my goal was really to provide a place for me and NahRight.com regular and fellow B-Boy stancer “Pockets” to talk random, weird shit. Pockets was/is hilarious, and I kept telling him he needed a blog. Sooo, I figured I’d start one and he’d eventually post. He didn’t, but I did–and it’s been a lot of fun.
I’m glad that I’ve been able to exchange ideas with a lot of cool people on my own terms. I’m truly humbled every time I see “It Ain’t That Serious” on the blogroll of some of the bigger sites out there: 2DopeBoyz, DallasPenn, TheReal, etc.
So, with that being said, here are the IATS moments I dug the best from the 5 months I was here. Two posts per month, 1 moment from each post.
That’s ten, math majors.
Here we go!
The Post: “Top 5 Most Annoying Voices in Hip-Hop Ever”
The Line: 1- Lil’ Wayne aka Weezy F. Baby– You know that voice that black comedians do when they’re impersonating the stereotypical white man? You know, the Eddie Griffin voice when he got lured in by Denise “Wild Things” Richards in “Undercover Brother”? Yeah, He raps in that voice. Not only is he rap’s Dane Cook as the most overrated dude today, but his voice is gravelly squeaky plague on my poor ears. I’d rather hear a 13 track album by Donald Duck. Plus, he kisses men and looks like a garbage pail kid, but I digress.
The Best Comment: Pockets says: “e-40 has to have the most annoyingest voice of all time, he sounds like Goofy while always having an orgasm and a stroke simultaneously. ahuk ahuk ghostride the whip!”
The Post: “Aaaaannnnd…You’re Done.”
The Line: 1- White Guys at Bars. Now I’m not talking about your average khaki-clad guy, or some dude wearing jeans and Nike crosstrainers watching the Giants play. No No, No No. I’m talking about these fuckin’ 22-28 year old pieces of wonder bread that must all shop at the Honkey Haberdashery. Here’s the uniform: Boot cut jeans, White dress shirt with thin, widely spaced grey vertical stripes, black dress shoes or boots. Next time you go to a bar that gets coverbands that play In-the-now covers, look around. Millions of those fuckers. Note the fact that none of them have any kind of facial hair, but they all have Brandon Walsh sideburns. Those dudes make me sick, plus, they’re all taller than I am. Assholes.
The Best Comment: State of Grace says: “Stay off that myspace. I’d rather put my fingers in Courtney Love than let them type a myspace address into my browser”
The Post: Kanye West- Graduation (an RTH Review)
The Line: Cool. Anything else?- Kanye West is a millionaire. His spot in the game, in rap history was solidified after his 2nd album. His work on The Blueprint alone would have him included in barbershop and online discussions from now until Jay-Z’s last album. (think about it). He has an incredible ear for new sounds, for creating hip-hop music that doesn’t just defy boundaries, but rather it walks right up to those boundaries and says “You ever fuck with my little brother again, and so help me God, I will end you.” I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: Kanye West makes anthems. He doesn’t make music for millionaires or for bullies or wannabes. He makes music for the common man or woman trying to get through their day. To make it to their Graduation, be that a commencement from being poor, being hurt, being taken for granted, or for being told “Give up on your dreams because life isn’t fair.” Long story slightly less long: He makes music you can believe in. Music you can trust.
The Best Comment: Rasheed Wallets says: “… stop lying, it aint that great … good lp, at best … not perfect at all … … ROSS Bldg., nicka !! …”
The Post: “Happy Fuck Day, Ass Mouth”
The Line: Fear of a Black Hat- For some reason, people put “CB4″ over this movie, which is a fuckin’ shame of all shames. Words cannot express how much better–how much more accurate of a satire–”Fear of a Black Hat” is than Chris Rock’s own “Hip-Hop Spinal Tap”. The movie takes place in post-Rodney King Riots L.A., and is a mock-umentary (look it up, XFacta) about a fictional rap group called “N.W.H.” or “Niggaz Wit’ Hats”. Songs featured in the film include, “Booty Juice”, “Fuck the Security Guard”, “Come and Pet the P.U.S.S.Y.”, and “Granny Said Kick Yo’ Black Ass”, profanity abounds–as does pure and total hilarity. If you haven’t seen this one, you’re not hip-hop.
The Cussin’ Highlight–
Nina Blackburn: So, guys, what’s the deal with the hats?
Ice Cold: That’s what NWH is all about. We got a whole hat philosophy, you know what I’m saying? I mean, see, back in the days when there was slaves and stuff, they would work in the hot sun all day, you know, with the sun beating down them. Hatless. I mean, not even a babushka.
Tone Def: Word. Heads totally exposed to the sun.
Ice Cold: You know, so by the time they got back to the plantation from being in all the heat, they was too tired to rebel against their masters, right? So what we saying with Niggaz With Hats is, “Yo, we got some hats now, muh-fuckers.”
The Best Comment: EnglandRepresent says: “Think I need to see Fear of a Black Hat. I’m not hip-hop.”
The Post: “An Extremely Wacked-Out Proposal”
The Line: Grades nine and ten would be allowed to use fully automatic weaponry. M-16’s, assault rifles, and the “rappers delight”, an AK-47. The monotony of high school life would be cut down tremendously if you had to worry about a full scale assault the second you got off the bus. The battle might not be long, but at least a lot of innocent people would die.
The Best Comment: da partyStarter says: “I think some of the schools in the Philly area co-opted your plan with minor adjstments…”
The Post: “Aaaaannnnd…You’re Done 3: Revenge of A…YD!”
The Line: Epic Movie came along a year later, and I thought, “Well, the last one was awful, and this one is probably gonna be just as bad, but 3 or 4 good laughs + Free Tickets = Ehh, Why not?”. If Date Movie was half-hearted, then Epic Movie was akin to that scene in South Park: Bigger, Longer, and Uncut (no 300) where they accidentally replaced Kenny’s heart with a baked potato. This was Epic Movie in a nutshell: Pop culture reference, fart joke, groin shot, someone gets hit with something. In that order. For like, 85 minutes. That’s it. Paris Hilton. Fart. Groin. Crash. Diddy. Fart. Groin. Crash. Cribs, Lazy Sunday, Click… My goodness, it was… Ya know what? I’m gonna stop right there, because slitting my wrists wasn’t on the agenda for today.
The Best Comment: Pockets says: “So yeah, those assholes are coming out with another “spoof”. You know what the problem is? I’ll fucking tell you what the problem is. Those kindsa movies cost like $250 to make, so when $17,000,000 worth of little bastard urchins go see it opening week, the studios make enough of a profit to churn out similar bullshit the next year. It’s fucking disgusting, and if I could, I’d personally slap the shit out of those “2 out of the 6 writers of Scary Movie”. Phuque (see my blogroll) > Them. It’s not even close.
^^^(in reference to) that statement (above) was so on point i got stabbed by the sharp point u made. those flicks so focking retarded. btw im so happy scrubs is back, that hour of comedy of office/scrubs is unbeatable right now on tv.”
The Post: “Radio Daze”
The Line: Late nite on Urban stations is the most annoying shit ever. Ya’ll know why:
To all the ladies in the place with style and grace… *DJ scratches* To all the ladies in the place with style and grace… *bomb drops* To all the ladies in the place with style and grace… *”YO YO YO! IT’S GOIN’ DOWN! TASTY TASTE! TONE DEF! ICE COLD! NI**AS WIT’ HATS IS IN DA BUILDING!”*… *bomb drops* *”WE GON’ GET INTO DIS BIGGIE JOINT! REST IN PEACE, CHRISTOPHER WALLACE!”* To all the ladies in the place with style and grace… *scratches* *”YO! I DON’T THINK YA’LL UNDERSTAND! THIS YOUR BOY SOUND BLASTA 9000! IT! IS! GOING! DOWN!”* To all the ladies in the place with style and grace…
Yeah. That. For like 5 minutes.
The Best Comment: Big Homie says: “Good post. When Flex has callers call in for their own requests. I wonder why some people choose the songs they choose. Them bombs are definitely annoying…and cant forget about the “Go..Flex…go Flex”. Sounds like Alvin and the Chipmunks…lol.
The stations here are worst.”
The Post: “Would You Like To Play A Game?”
The Line: Street Fighter 2 Turbo Champion Edition- The legend comes to Sega. I loved this game, and it really needs no description. I will say that I think I only beat the game once on a level that could actually get you to see my chosen fighter’s ending. The rest of the time I got sarcastic messages like, “Hey asshole, quit playing on the Jim Jones Retard level and start playing for real”. Oh, and just for the record: Ryu > Ken. Yeah, I said it.
The Best Comment: Mark Twain Fame says: “also co-sig… Sega > Nintendo
I root for the underdogs…let the rich fuckers have the SuperNES…I take my Sega Gen!”
The Post: “RTH Interviews Yung Ign’ant”
The Line: IATS- O…K. Moving on. What’s up with the spelling of your name? Some people say you’re copying off of Yung Joc.
IATS- Yung Joc. He’s an Atlanta rapper affiliated with Bad Boy records.
YI- “Oh! Oh! That Bill Cosby lookin’ nigga wit’ da invisible motorcycle? Sheeit… That’s a compliment right there. That nigga got an invisible motorcycle! That’s ballin’ right there.”
IATS- That’s not an inv… Yes. That’s ballin’ right there.
The Best Comment: Thoreauly77 says: “truly ridiculous in the best way possible!”
The Post: “The Ever-Expanding, Neverending List of Awesomeness”
The Line: 5– Boobs. My goodness, where to begin? First off, like 99.9% of all the boobs I’ve seen have been aesthetically pleasing. Second off, they serve both Emo and Horny purposes. You can lay on them and get some cuddle time going. You can also feel up on ‘em when the out-making gets goood. Motorboating, Lipping the Nipping, Throwing straw wrappers into the cleavage, and the way they feel when you hug a chick all make Boobs f’n awesome.
The Best Comment: The Shogun of Harlem says: “Yodels… the ambrosia of hostess cakes….
The Wise words of Doctor Cox… and how I sometimes channel his essence in times of extreme Whatthefuckitude.”
Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap
There ya go, kids. My first official highlight reel. I’ve enjoyed the ride so far, and I know it’s just gonna get bigger and better. Stay Tuned.
Also, feel free to leave whatever bits of coolness IATS has provided you in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.
IATSoldiers, Have a happy new year.