It Ain’t That Serious Plays a Game of “Wouldn’t it be awesome if…”
So because I’ve decided that being less fat and lazy would be a good thing this year, I woke up around 11:15am this morning and actually stayed up. I mean, I partially stayed up because I was having a funky dream anyway, but the main reason was to break this habit of being up ’til 5am-6am and sleeping until 1p, 2p, or even 3p.
Of course now, I’m tired.
Anyway, aside from being tired and mostly pissed of at the New York State Unemployment people, I’m in pretty okay spirits.
Enjoy the bloggety goodness.
I know most of these types of posts come out in late 2007, but after it took like 2 or 3 hours to do that last New Year’s-a-Comin’ post, I decided to hold off on this one. Plus, I really only got the idea last nite when I decided I was gonna put on my bloggin’ hat today.
Ol’ Dr. Beardhussein is now going to attempt to become Swami Beardhussein and try to predict what headlines we’ll see in 2008 in the world of entertainment, politics, sports, and his own personal life.
Here we go.
1- Isiah Thomas Finally Fired
** Both Isiah and Owner James Dolan Forced to Allow Fans to Kick Each One in Ass Every Day for the Next Fiscal Quarter
2- Jim Jones Becomes First Rapper Ever Arrested For Making Awful Music
** Hip-Hop Police Finally Celebrated; Southern Rappers Fear for Own Freedom
3- New York Giants Rout New England Patriots 44-3 in SuperBowl XLII
** Thousands of Boston Douchebags Cry In Bahs Acrahss The Wahld
4- Iron Man Flops at Box Office With Measly $3m Take Opening Weekend
** Fanboys Discover Girls; Rentals of Sandra Bullock Films Skyrocket
5- Indiana Jones 4 Breaks Titanic’s Box Office Record
** George Lucas and Steven Spielberg Go To James Cameron’s House, Slap Him Thrice
6- Kanye West Sweeps Grammy’s Including Album of the Year
** West Still Throws Tantrum Backstage Just For Poops & Giggles
7- Taco Bell Institutes “Border Rewards Program”
** Blogger from Long Island Quickly Earns 1,000,000 Points
8- Byron Crawford Slapped By Lupe Fiasco–Caught on Tape!
** Rapper heard cussing, Crawford heard shouting “Nullus!” Through Tears
9- Joe Budden’s Padded Room Goes Double Platinum
** Jersey City MC’s Plaque’s Arrival Date Pushed Back to 2009
10- Hilary Clinton Chooses Husband Bill as Running Mate
** Republicans Across World Soil Selves; Obama Concedes Democratic Nomination
11- RTH Has First Threesome Ever
** Who’d Have Thought My Exgirlfriend Even Knew Rachel Bilson?
12- Detox Finally Released!
** Dr. Dre- “The hardest part was keeping it a secret from G-Unit until we were done.”
13- Cloverfield Monster Revealed!
** Monster Turns Out To Be a 40-Story Tall Lil’ Wayne
14- New York Mets Win 2008 World Series!
** Defeat Red Sox in 6 Games; Yankees Still Get Back Page of NY Tabloids
15- Clinton & Clinton Take White House; Kanye to perform at Inaugural Ball
** Rudy Giuliani Loses in Landslide, Shuns Politics, & Decides to Open KFC in Ravena NY
16- Yung Ign’ant Sees His Major Label Debut Go Gold
** MC quoted as saying, “I’ma melt this plaque down and make a grill out of it!”
17- Alumnah.com Sells for $1B to Google; Phuque Still a Hater
** E-I-C Grumbles “We better not miss a deadline!”, Lead Writer ReyTheHussein Earns $10m From Sale–Donates $500k to District Attorney’s Office Assigned to Jim Jones’ Case
Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap.
So there we have it, 17 headlines I’d love to be able to write in 2008–and have them actually be true. Feel free to add headlines and bylines to stories you’d like to see happen in 2008 in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.
Thanks for checking in.