That’s right, suckas. It’s time for some randomness, IATS-style.
It’s 3:15 on the morning of Saturday, January 5th, 2008. The first 5 days of 2008 have brought me some suspense (paying rent AND bills? ‘Tis madness!), but they’ve also brought me triumph. Thanks to help from my Aunt and my friend Pretty Girl, we’ve been able to keep our heads above water. I mean, my cellie is still off, but that’s cool. One less thing to carry.
Anyway, I’ve been pondering some randomness this evening/morning, so let’s get right down to it.
First and foremost, where the fuck are my two brothers-from-other-mothers Busta Cracka The English Smacka and EnglandRepresent?? Ya’ll haven’t given up on me, right? Shout ol’ Dr. Beardhussein a holla so I don’t worry. (yeah, I said it.)
The Tao of Crocodile Dundee II– So I was flippin’ channels trying to decide between watching ESPNews or some nonsense on MTV when I landed upon Crocodile Dundee II. Let me tell you, watching this movie was a great friggin’ choice! First, you have “Mick Dundee”, played by Paul Hogan. I’m not sure what Mr. Hogan did to earn his fame back in the 80’s, but I happen to like the “Crocodile Dundee” character so it’s all good. Dude has a good sense of humor and is unflappable. He can not be flapped! He’s kinda like an Australian MacGuyver. (even tho’ I never watched more than maybe 20 minutes of that show). Then, you have his real-life wide, Linda Kozlowski playing his love interest, “Sue Charlton”. Two Points about “Sue”: 1- She’s f’n hot. I mean, exceptionally pretty with a nice bod and a perky, yet formidable, rack. 2- She’s the ultimate down-ass chick. Mick says, “Let’s go to Australia to avoid these Colombian drug dealers that are trying to kill us.” Her response? “Bet. Sounds good to me.” No whining! No fuss! No stubborn insistence! No sir. She’s a strong ass woman who’s gonna follow her fella to wherever. Then, once they’re there, the Evil Colombian Druglords start shooting, and does Sue panic? Heck no! Mick goes to do his Bushman thing and she starts laying down cover fire for him! That’s a good ass woman right there! Plus, I must reiterate her hotness. Maybe it’s cuz I’m feeling a bit…ornery…at this late hour, but I was definitely surprised at her level of Could-Get-It-ness. Anyway, Good Flick, feel good flick, and I’m glad I watched it. Should you get the opportunity, check it on out. PLUS! The “Na, I don’t have a gun. I have a Donk” scene is the best 80’s movie run-in since Frankenstein yelled “Bogus!” in Dracula’s face in The Monster Squad.
5 Chicks You Wouldn’t Expect To Be On My “Could Get It” List, But Are-
1- Nicole Sullivan aka That Blonde Girl From MadTV. I don’t know what it is about this particular chick, but maaannnnnnn she’s been on the “Could Get It” list since the very first season of MadTV debuted back in 1995. She did a couple guest spots on Scrubs, as well as The King of Queens, but it’s the Scrubs stuff that showed her off as kinda pretty first. She’s not skinny, and her boobs look good enough, plus she’s the kinda cute tht lets me know that it might not be a total waste of time trying to *ahem* “kick game” to her.
2- Stephanie McMahon aka Vince McMahon’s Daughter. I’ve been in love with Stephanie McMahon since like Spring 1999. She was like 23 or 24 back then and still all Girl-Next-Door brunette hot. She played that good girl character for a while before they vamped her out and made her a bitch. I didn’t care. I loved her. Thennnn she went and got herself some new attributes. Now, I don’t have anything against fake boobs per se, but I did mind that my innocent lil’ Stephanie was all of the sudden walking around with big ol’ Mariah Carey-esque silicon/saline boobs. Nevertheless, I still loved Steph, even if she did have that aire of tra-shay that implants carry. No, what really finally broke my heart about Stephanie McMahon was the fact that she went and married Triple H. That’s right, she married The Game (the wrestler, not Jayceon Taylor). It was at that point that the dream was dashed. HHH is a big ol’ musclebound blonde that could probably benchpress yours truly. Meanwhile, Yours Truly is a fat puerto-cuban blogger from Long Island who made the terrible decision to go clean-shaven after over a year (methinks) of having at least a goatee. Oh, plus they went and had a daughter. Which might actually work in my favor, because apparently chicks with kids and boyfriends/husbands/estranged exes friggin’ LOVE me. Eh, C’est La Vie. It’s okay, Steph. We’ll always have the Test angle.
3- Kristin Davis aka Charlotte from Sex & The City. First of all, lemme just give a big ol’ PAUSE to the Sex & the City bit. It just so happens a few of the girls I’m close friends with watch the show, so I’ve had to endure it. (don’t front–i’m willing to bet most of my readership has). The show was mostly Kim Cattrall being Super Easy, The Redhead chick (Miranda) being kiiinda neurotic, and Sarah Jessica Parker (“She looks like a foot!” -Peter Griffin) being the typical Stupid Girl who constantly makes fucked up decisions and then wonders why this stuff always happens to her. Anyhoo, the highlight of the show for me was the cute Brunette (notice a pattern emerging?) Charlotte, played by Kristin Davis. Not only is Charlotte/Kristin super-cute, but she also flashed her rack on an episode. PLUS! She totally looks like my friend S.W., who just keeps getting hotter.
4- Kelly Clarkson aka The American Idol “Since You Been Gone” chick. This one is a bit weird. I mean, she’s cute, but she’s kinda lacking in the rack area, and she did that awful blonde experiment a while back. I think what fascinates me about her is that she’s the American Idol-turn’t-Rocker chick that complains about guys, but I just know that she’s probably f’n great in bed. Plus, even tho’ she part of the I.B.T.C., she’s kinda thick on the bottom–and Rey likee verr’ much. Ah, Miss Clarkson.. Steve Carrell doesn’t have to be the only guy whose ever been on his back, screaming out your name.
5- Tina Fey aka The Chick from Mean Girls, SNL, and 30 Rock. I had trouble coming up with a 5th girl. I wanted to go with some under-the-radar minority chick just to balance it all out, but most of the minority chicks in the world of entertainment are all kinda hot, so it wouldn’t really fit in with the eclectic group I’ve assembled. So, given that, I’ve decided that Miss Fey would get the last spot. I’d say that I don’t know why she bastes my yams the way she does, but I think I know why. Come to think of it, I think you know why too. The Hot Librarian look. The glasses, the blazer, the scar-induced smirk…Ohhh Mannn. I’m a fool for that. Tina Fey, You can update my weekend any day of the…uh…week.
Honorable Mention: I just thought of these two right after I wrote the “…eclectic group…” bit. Submitted for your approval, I proudly present: Lauren Graham and Alexis Bledel. That’s right. I wanna shag the Gilmore Girls. First off, you have Lauren Graham aka the mother Lorelai Gilmore. After seeing her in Gilmore Girls (oh come on, does that really surprise anyone?) I already kinda dug her style and the way her jeans were tight enough for a small twinkle of lust to develop in mine eyes. Then, she went and did Bad Santa which tossed her into the whole “Into freaky sex” category. Now I look at her and I can’t help but think that she’d rock some ill corset thing on the way to doing shit that leaves me hoarse the next morning. Next up you have Alexis Bledel aka Rory Gilmore. The Rory thing is this: She’s like a mash-up of two chicks I went to High School with and am still in touch with today. She looks like one, sounds like the other, and that adds up to this Megazord of Hot that gets me all tingly in the jiblets. She played the intellectual goody-two-shoes on the show, but I think we all know that (1) I dig that, and (2), the Goody-Two-Shoes chicks are the most fun, mostly cuz of the noises. (yeah, I said it). Oh, plus, she played a prostitute in Sin City and took some modeling shots that showed quite a bit of her midriff and sliiight side-boob. A far cry from the Proper Yale Student she played.
FUN FACT– Alexis Bledel is Argentinean on her Dad’s side and Mexican on her mom’s side! That’s awesome. YOU STAY AWAY FROM HER, iFUX!
So there ya go. I’m sure that was a fun little ride into the TMI centers of Rey’s Brain, but ya’ll should know by now that I don’t really take myself that seriously around here.
And now, just some random thoughts:
~ I need Scrubs to come back on the air, STAT. I know they’re just spacing out episodes because of the strike, but still. It’s been seriously over a month, and that shit isn’t cool.
~ Speaking of the writers strike, I gotta admit that it’s starting to piss me off. I finally decide to get back into TV and the shows I like are in rerun limbo. Somebody cut the friggin’ check!
~ *sigh* I think I might’ve downloaded a virus looking up Stephanie McMahon pictures. I’m running an Anti-Virus scan now and typing this in Notepad because I wanna complete the scan before I go back into Internet Explorer. (sorry, I’m not up on Firefox)
~ I saw 2 movies last week: Alvin & The Chipmunks and Aliens vs Predator-Requiem. Alvin was good, better than I expected. I thought it’d be a bunch of bratty nonsense mixed in with fart jokes, but it ended up being more clever than I expected. Oh, and to anyone preparing to mock me for this: DTMJ is the #2 man at our local theater, so I see movies for free. I’m sure ya’ll have ingested some questionable entertainment for the sake of “Shit, it was free!”, so there! As for AVP-R, I liked that one as well. The first AVP was rated PG-13 and had this slapped-together feel to it, and while I was entertained, I wasn’t particularly impressed. This sequel tho’ was pretty good. It played out more like a horror movie than either an Alien or Predator movie. It’s R-Rating definitely helped, as both franchises really work better if the brutality of either creature can be explored. If you take the kids to see Alvin, you won’t be bored. If you check out AVP-R, same thing. You know, unless you’re Phuque or MK/State of Grace and it’s in your nature to hate on 98% of stuff.
Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap.
Alright IATSoldiers, that’s it for tonite. I told you I plan on keeping It Ain’t That Serious going strong, so keep checking in for that Aggressive Content and Oversharing you’ve all come to love and expect from me.
Also, don’t forget to check out the awesomeness over at Alumnah. It’s a bit more of the “serious” side, but still entertaining with the charm and randomness I try to use over here.
Feel free to leave feedback on any of this stuff in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.
PS– Don’t front on Bill & Ted either. Those movies are more intelligent than one would think. Yes, even with Keanu “Whoa!” Reeves in them. *b-boy stance*