*Ghostrides the Stone Cold Stunner* [||]

stonecold stunner

Dr. Beardhussein Goes Off On Some Randomness.

(by the by, there are no good pictures of The Rock doing “The People’s Elbow” on Google-Image, otherwise this column would’ve had a different name)

It’s 2:11am on Saturday, February 23rd. I’m in a good mood, but Hooters with Turk and a bunch of funny TV shows (Scrubs, Whose Line…, Stand-Up on Comedy Central, and The Late Late Show) have made this a very festive evening.

Oh, plus, Rachel Bilson was Craig Ferguson’s guest on The Late Late Show, so I’m still all “Ahhhh!” from that.

Let’s Rock.

So as always with these “*ghostrides the ___*” columns, I’ve got a ton of random shit on my mind. Let’s get right down to it.

1. I saw all the movies that came out last week. Here are my Mini Rey-views:

A) Jumper– This was a good flick. Hayden Christianson shows a bit more life than he did in the Star Wars prequels (shut the fuck up, I loved all 3 of them), and the story is fast-paced and exciting. Rachel Bilson is completely adorable and manages to not be annoying in the role of “The Girl”. Throw in another complete Bad Ass performance from Mr. Samuel L. Jackson and a cool English sidekick (*daps EngRep*), and you’ve got yourself an entertaining popcorn movie. Warning–You will try to teleport after you see this movie. I had no luck.

B) Step Up 2 The Streets- First off, [||]. Secondly, My father grew up back when dancing was dancing and not just either dryhumping or “somebody call a doctor” spastic twitching shit, so when a dancing movie comes out, he wants to see it. Also, my father would break your fucking arm without provocation, so be nice. Third, we see movies for free, so don’t think we spent money on this. Okay, now that it’s been properly disclaimed, I’ll continue. Step Up 2 wasn’t actually that bad. Sure, it was cheesy, but it wasn’t overly corny and it didn’t insult me. Normally in these movies the slang is 3 years old (*cough*SaveTheLastDance*cough*) with the characters saying stuff like, “Yo, why you trippin’, dawg?”, but they didn’t inundate us with slang from the earlier part of the decade. The dancing was okay in the movie–that white boy from Wild’n Out, Rob Hoffman, was particularly good. Coming from someone who can’t dance, yet has always wished he could breakdance, he was good. The rest of the dancing was kiiinda spastic and twitchy, but some was pretty cool. The girl in the flick, Briana Evigan (the one on the right), is hot in a Sophia Bush kinda way, and she could dance. Plus, Briana Evigan + Rain = Hot. Oh, and Cassie‘s in the movie too. She could get it early & often. EARLY!

C) Definitely, Maybe- Now it should come to no surprise to anyone that knows me and me Emo, but depending on who’s in them, I can dig a Romantic Comedy from time to time. *sigh* Yes, fuckers, also known as Chick Flicks. I mean, most of them, I imagine, are formulaic tripe, but when there’s a cool leading guy and a hot/sweet leading girl, I can enjoy that type of movie. Well, Ryan Reynolds is fucking awesome and has been since National Lampoon’s Van Wilder, and the 3 chicks they had in the movie–Elizabeth Banks, Rachel Weisz, and Isla Fisher— were all easy on the eyes, sooo yeah. I enjoyed this one a lot. *shrug* Then again, I’m a hopeless romantic soooo there ya go. Point is, if your girl insists on seeing a chick flick, see this one. You’ll dig it too. 3 stars for this movie.

2. I don’t know about you guys, but I still hate “Hollaback Girl” even tho’ the song is almost 3 years old by now.

3. You know what sucks? Kiiiinda having a crush on your exgirlfriend’s roommate. Mind you, me and “Amy” were broken up for 6 years before this girl moved in, and have kept in touch, but I know it would set off a fire storm of shit if I were to ask “Amy” what she thought of me maayyybbee pursuing. Plus, Girls can be really dumb about shit like this. It’s like, “Well, even tho’ ‘Amy’ wouldn’t get back with you if you paid her, she still doesn’t wanna see you end up with her friend.” It’s bullshit I tells ya! Stupid Girl Code. Plus Plus, the only other way to try and broach the subject of hanging with Crush Girl is my friend “M”, who happens to hang out with Crush Girl once a week or something like that. Problem there is that “M” is a notorious cockblock, and she gets all territorial and pissy when it comes to “sharing” friends. It’s bollocks. Pure bollocks. Should anything happen with this sitcheeation, I’ll be sure to let you guys know.

4. Is it just me, or is there just not shit happening in rap right now? I mean, there are just no releases I’m anticipating anytime soon. Hopefully Saigon will get a release date that actually sticks, cuz maaannn, all my favorites put out albums in the late 3rd or 4th quarter, and I’m shit outta music. Oh, plus, because of the unemployment thing (yes, still), I haven’t had the money to cop The Cool, altho’ I did get to here it in my boy Tiburon’s, um, Tiburon. I liked what I heard tho’!

5. The waitress we had at Hooters tonite looks like Sarah Chalke (Dr. Reid from Scrubs) and Kate Bosworth (Lois Lane from Superman Returns) had a daughter. I mean, this chick was hot with a great rack, and was niiiiice and thick on the bottom. I’m telling you, she asked questions with her face right up to mine, and I swear, this girl was in HD. Beautiful.

6. So tomorrow nite I’m going to a bar to celebrate my friend “L”‘s move into a new apartment. Her and I maybe sorta kiiiinda hooked up 2 weeks ago, so I’m looking forward to a rematch tomorrow nite. She’s like a DD, so this could be fun. All I gotta do now is find a friggin’ candle or 2 for “mood lighting” purposes. Last time we were in the pitch black cuz my father stole my Touch Lamp that can be dimmed for purposes of the naugh-ty. (pronounced “Not I”). Lemme tell ya, it’s friggin’ embarrassing going thru the little drawer in my night table lookin’ for my candles and only seeing a stack of dirty magazines used for…uh…Baking. *ahem* Anyway, point is, Candles. I mean, optimum conditions for getting it onnnn with me are usually a pitch black room and low self esteem for the lady, but she asked for candles last time and I was unprepared. *adjusts tie*

7. I have a job with a Temp. Agency on Monday morning. They have what sounds like a good job lined up for me, so it should be interesting. I still have like 4 or 5–maybe 6–weeks to go on Unemployment, but it’s just time for me to get a job. We’re just crawling out from a healthy dose of December-January debt, and I don’t wanna fuck around and end up blowing an income tax refund cuz I didn’t get a job in time. I’ll keep you guys posted on that, too.


Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap.

Alright IATSoldiers, it’s that time of the nite. I hope you enjoyed this little blog full of Swag, Temerity, and Chutzpah (c) IFux. I’ll be back when inspiration strikes. Remember, I have a regular column at http://www.alumnah.com, so if you miss my ramblings, you can always go there.

As always, any comments, questions, or critiques can be left in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.

Thanks for checking in,


11 Responses to “*Ghostrides the Stone Cold Stunner* [||]”

  1. MK Says:

    *cricks neck*

    1. smh. Wooden Christiansen? I can make shadow puppets more lifelike and believable than him. I remember when they showed the Step Up 2 preview before Cloverfield and my friends and I were baffled as to whether it was a sequel to some movie called Step Up or was just using the 2 to sound more “street.” Learning that both were true was one of the saddest moments of my life. Smh again at the Ryan Reynolds movie, but dude is supposed to be playing Deadpool in the Wolverine movie, so that exonerates him for any wrongdoing he’s ever done. A Canadian actor playing the most bad-ass Canadian character ever? Yes please.

    2. I still hate No Doubt, so I got your back.

    3. Ahh women. I’d been getting manipulated (not in the fun way) by this girl for almost 2 years and so I finally had enough, resulting in me giving her a total nuking on Valentine’s Day no less. Sample excerpt: Her (with exasperated look on her face): “You don’t ever want to have sex with me again?” Me: “No, I’m good.”

    4. This is just not shit happening in rap right now. I’ve been spending my time more in other genres as a result, rap’s just been too stagnant lately for my liking. Give me some Cat Power anyday.

    5. Sarah Chalke? Oh yeah, fake Becki from Roseanne. Having a doctor cut open your nutsack with no anesthetic when you only went in with a slight cough > 5 minutes of Scrubs

    6. Rey gets pussy, pussy he got! I’m trying to get with this sweet-as-pie Indian girl (red dot, not feather) at the moment. She’s political, feminist, and a D-cup, a.k.a. MK’s dream girl.

    7. I hope it works out for you. I can’t think of anything else to say now because the top of my screen says mini cheeseburgers so now all I can think of is a bacon cheeseburger with fries and gravy and I’m fookin’ Lee Marvin (c) Trainspotting. Dammit Rey!

  2. reythehussein Says:

    LOL @ MK.. I think your comments are actually more entertaining than my entries.

    1- Thank you for taking it easy on Hayden.

    2- Yesss.

    3- Good. I’m not a fan of the crazy ones. Great for shaggin’, but I don’t wanna break bread with one. I’ve had too much crazy for one 27 year old.

    4- Hmm… I’m still in Adult Contemporary Pop land, but I discovered a band called “Explosions in the Sky”, and I like them.

    5- Sarah Chalke is hot. Scrubs is awesome. You need a hug.

    6- Hmm.. “Amy” is a half-red dot with a D cup. She wasn’t a political feminist. You gotta keep me posted on that.

    7- I don’t think I have to say that I’ve never seen Trainspotting. Either way, the good vibes are appreciated, sir. As is your continuing patronage of my blog.

  3. MK Says:

    Cat Power is kinda Adult Contemporary Pop, in a more bluesy soulful vein. Check out her newest album Jukebox (in your email inbox), where she covers everyone from Bob Dylan to James Brown to Hank Williams to Janis Joplin to Frank Sinatra. Unbelievably good stuff, and such a gorgeous voice. I’m going to try and take Meena (the girl) to her show when she comes here in April. Her last album The Greatest is one of my favourite albums ever, I’ll be listening to that album when I’m 60, and if you like Jukebox I’ll send you that next. Sarah Chalke’s face is too big. How much face can one girl have? Apparently a whole lot. And you didn’t ask, but my lunch was delicious, and I credit it entirely to you.

  4. Mark Twain Fame Says:

    another good post Dick Reyson.

    that step up 2 the streets seems like it would be very cheesy almost annoying…but dman if I wount go see it for two reasons 1) my girl really wants to see it casue she loved the 1st movie and 2) like you said that main broad + rain = Y-E-S!

    good luck on the temp job…hopefully it pans out for ya.

    and damn Google for no good Rock’s People’s Elbow pics!…

    also everytime I watch Scrubs I get more and more of a TVcrush on Sarah Chalke…jeez.

    and for numero seis…go ahead and cop you some Yankee brand candles in those glass jars…cop that Vanilla Carmel, its suppose to be a soothing scent for guys…but also girls love sweet smells…and that shit will burn long and hard (nada!!!) for your midnight manuevers.


  5. reythehussein Says:

    @ MK– Glad I inspired a good lunch decision. Sarah Chalke could get it.

    @ MTF– Dr. Reid is a slammin’ hottie indeed. G’on and google image her. You’ll be happy. Also, Scented vanilla candles are my go-to’s.. I bought a few but I can’t find the holder thingy. Dangit! A coppin’ I’ll have to go.

    As for the temp gig.. Ehh.. I wasn’t really feeling the place.. M’fuckers had me waiting an HOUR to see this lady, and I was in her office for a total of 6 minutes. Fuckery. I didn’t get a good vibe at all, but we’ll see what happens.

  6. Meka Says:

    >4. Is it just me, or is there just not shit happening in rap right now? I mean, there are just no releases I’m anticipating anytime soon. >

    um, torae, pete rock & clipse in the 1st two months of the year?

    you’re sleeping, rey.

  7. Meka Says:

    and don’t forget about the dopeboyz going crazy [no jay jenkins].

  8. reythehussein Says:

    The Clipse I’m iffy on, Isn’t Torae the guy Bow Wow Yelled at, and I think I’m curious about Pete Rock. [||]

    lol, never that, Meka.

  9. Meka Says:

    naw, torae is an artist from NY/ blogger for dx who came out w/a really dope album, the clipse’s joint is free so aside from computer space you have nothing to lose and pete rock is probably the only person who can make jim jones sound 1/2 decent.

  10. REEF Says:

    fuck rap right now….. my dj homie lost it last friday after the 7th request for akon and right at the 1am mark threw on “catch hell blues” from the white stripes ickythump album…. it was possibly the greatest thing thats ever happened to me in a club EVER…. skinny thai transvestite lookin bitches running for cover everywhere





  11. Mark Twain Fame Says:

    so wtf Reymundo…you in hiding again?!…

    need a new post homie!…lol. peace.

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