Dr. Beardhussein Goes Off On Some Randomness.
(by the by, there are no good pictures of The Rock doing “The People’s Elbow” on Google-Image, otherwise this column would’ve had a different name)
It’s 2:11am on Saturday, February 23rd. I’m in a good mood, but Hooters with Turk and a bunch of funny TV shows (Scrubs, Whose Line…, Stand-Up on Comedy Central, and The Late Late Show) have made this a very festive evening.
Oh, plus, Rachel Bilson was Craig Ferguson’s guest on The Late Late Show, so I’m still all “Ahhhh!” from that.
So as always with these “*ghostrides the ___*” columns, I’ve got a ton of random shit on my mind. Let’s get right down to it.
1. I saw all the movies that came out last week. Here are my Mini Rey-views:
A) Jumper– This was a good flick. Hayden Christianson shows a bit more life than he did in the Star Wars prequels (shut the fuck up, I loved all 3 of them), and the story is fast-paced and exciting. Rachel Bilson is completely adorable and manages to not be annoying in the role of “The Girl”. Throw in another complete Bad Ass performance from Mr. Samuel L. Jackson and a cool English sidekick (*daps EngRep*), and you’ve got yourself an entertaining popcorn movie. Warning–You will try to teleport after you see this movie. I had no luck.
B) Step Up 2 The Streets- First off, [||]. Secondly, My father grew up back when dancing was dancing and not just either dryhumping or “somebody call a doctor” spastic twitching shit, so when a dancing movie comes out, he wants to see it. Also, my father would break your fucking arm without provocation, so be nice. Third, we see movies for free, so don’t think we spent money on this. Okay, now that it’s been properly disclaimed, I’ll continue. Step Up 2 wasn’t actually that bad. Sure, it was cheesy, but it wasn’t overly corny and it didn’t insult me. Normally in these movies the slang is 3 years old (*cough*SaveTheLastDance*cough*) with the characters saying stuff like, “Yo, why you trippin’, dawg?”, but they didn’t inundate us with slang from the earlier part of the decade. The dancing was okay in the movie–that white boy from Wild’n Out, Rob Hoffman, was particularly good. Coming from someone who can’t dance, yet has always wished he could breakdance, he was good. The rest of the dancing was kiiinda spastic and twitchy, but some was pretty cool. The girl in the flick, Briana Evigan (the one on the right), is hot in a Sophia Bush kinda way, and she could dance. Plus, Briana Evigan + Rain = Hot. Oh, and Cassie‘s in the movie too. She could get it early & often. EARLY!
C) Definitely, Maybe- Now it should come to no surprise to anyone that knows me and me Emo, but depending on who’s in them, I can dig a Romantic Comedy from time to time. *sigh* Yes, fuckers, also known as Chick Flicks. I mean, most of them, I imagine, are formulaic tripe, but when there’s a cool leading guy and a hot/sweet leading girl, I can enjoy that type of movie. Well, Ryan Reynolds is fucking awesome and has been since National Lampoon’s Van Wilder, and the 3 chicks they had in the movie–Elizabeth Banks, Rachel Weisz, and Isla Fisher— were all easy on the eyes, sooo yeah. I enjoyed this one a lot. *shrug* Then again, I’m a hopeless romantic soooo there ya go. Point is, if your girl insists on seeing a chick flick, see this one. You’ll dig it too. 3 stars for this movie.
2. I don’t know about you guys, but I still hate “Hollaback Girl” even tho’ the song is almost 3 years old by now.
3. You know what sucks? Kiiiinda having a crush on your exgirlfriend’s roommate. Mind you, me and “Amy” were broken up for 6 years before this girl moved in, and have kept in touch, but I know it would set off a fire storm of shit if I were to ask “Amy” what she thought of me maayyybbee pursuing. Plus, Girls can be really dumb about shit like this. It’s like, “Well, even tho’ ‘Amy’ wouldn’t get back with you if you paid her, she still doesn’t wanna see you end up with her friend.” It’s bullshit I tells ya! Stupid Girl Code. Plus Plus, the only other way to try and broach the subject of hanging with Crush Girl is my friend “M”, who happens to hang out with Crush Girl once a week or something like that. Problem there is that “M” is a notorious cockblock, and she gets all territorial and pissy when it comes to “sharing” friends. It’s bollocks. Pure bollocks. Should anything happen with this sitcheeation, I’ll be sure to let you guys know.
4. Is it just me, or is there just not shit happening in rap right now? I mean, there are just no releases I’m anticipating anytime soon. Hopefully Saigon will get a release date that actually sticks, cuz maaannn, all my favorites put out albums in the late 3rd or 4th quarter, and I’m shit outta music. Oh, plus, because of the unemployment thing (yes, still), I haven’t had the money to cop The Cool, altho’ I did get to here it in my boy Tiburon’s, um, Tiburon. I liked what I heard tho’!
5. The waitress we had at Hooters tonite looks like Sarah Chalke (Dr. Reid from Scrubs) and Kate Bosworth (Lois Lane from Superman Returns) had a daughter. I mean, this chick was hot with a great rack, and was niiiiice and thick on the bottom. I’m telling you, she asked questions with her face right up to mine, and I swear, this girl was in HD. Beautiful.
6. So tomorrow nite I’m going to a bar to celebrate my friend “L”‘s move into a new apartment. Her and I maybe sorta kiiiinda hooked up 2 weeks ago, so I’m looking forward to a rematch tomorrow nite. She’s like a DD, so this could be fun. All I gotta do now is find a friggin’ candle or 2 for “mood lighting” purposes. Last time we were in the pitch black cuz my father stole my Touch Lamp that can be dimmed for purposes of the naugh-ty. (pronounced “Not I”). Lemme tell ya, it’s friggin’ embarrassing going thru the little drawer in my night table lookin’ for my candles and only seeing a stack of dirty magazines used for…uh…Baking. *ahem* Anyway, point is, Candles. I mean, optimum conditions for getting it onnnn with me are usually a pitch black room and low self esteem for the lady, but she asked for candles last time and I was unprepared. *adjusts tie*
7. I have a job with a Temp. Agency on Monday morning. They have what sounds like a good job lined up for me, so it should be interesting. I still have like 4 or 5–maybe 6–weeks to go on Unemployment, but it’s just time for me to get a job. We’re just crawling out from a healthy dose of December-January debt, and I don’t wanna fuck around and end up blowing an income tax refund cuz I didn’t get a job in time. I’ll keep you guys posted on that, too.
Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap.
Alright IATSoldiers, it’s that time of the nite. I hope you enjoyed this little blog full of Swag, Temerity, and Chutzpah (c) IFux. I’ll be back when inspiration strikes. Remember, I have a regular column at http://www.alumnah.com, so if you miss my ramblings, you can always go there.
As always, any comments, questions, or critiques can be left in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.
Thanks for checking in,