Uncle The Hussein vs American Idol

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It Ain’t That Serious takes a look at Season 7.

(because I can make this stuff entertaining, that’s why)

Editor’s Note– For some reason, halfway down in this post the text turns blue and underlines like it’s all linked. I can’t fix it, but don’t worry–it doesn’t take you anywhere. Sorry for the blue fuckery.

It’s 12:11am on Thursday, March 6th, 2008. I’ve got another job interview thing in about 9 hours and 18 minutes, My friend “M” is gonna put in a good word on Crush Girl (who happens to be “Amy”‘s roommate, by the by), and I’m feeling full of Swag, Temerity, and Chutzpah. Not to mention the fact that my Panache is undickrideable.

This post is something I put up last nite on my personal Mi Espacio blog. When I wrote about American Idol, my friend Bubbles kind of took me to task about saying:

“I don’t watch American Idol (the government’s way of distracting the masses and numbing their minds to what is really going on in the world) so i really don’t care”

Which made me respond with this:

“Actually, I watch American Idol for precisely that reason. I read on yahoo.com that a baby got shot in the back of the head as a result of gang violence. That means some asshole in California opened fire on some people and hit a baby because of some shit like ‘turf’ or ‘money’. How does one even fathom that stuff? How the hell am I supposed to process it and accept it as part of the way the world works? Answer? I fucking can’t. It makes me scared for my own future and it makes me petrified and powerless when I think of the future my nephews are going to inherit. Yes, this world is shitty and mobilization to do something about it would be fantastic, but I’m working on getting my own shit together just to make sure I’m not miserable every second of every day. The world’s just gonna have to wait a bit longer if it’s looking to me for salvation. Soooo, yeah, Idol is cheesy, escapist fluff, and thank God for it”

So if you have something snarky or rude to say, please keep the above in mind. Like I’ve said time and time again:

It ain’t that serious.

So I’m watching American Idol tonite, and I’m having a great time. I’ve seen all but 1 episode this season and I’ve got my 3 male favorites and my 3 female favorites, as well as my Guy pick to win the whole thing and my girl pick to win, and who I hope wins overall.

Yes, MK. This part of my post is gonna be about American Idol. No skipping to the end, or I’ll slander you in the next one.

The Guys- First up, we have David Archuleta aka “Porkchop”. Lemme tell ya, when I first saw this Ben Stiller lookin’ ass ni**a, I was unimpressed. Then I heard him sing “Everything I do (I do it for you)” and I was impressed. Then he just killed his song during 60’s Week. Then he absolutely, positively, distanced himself from the rest of the guys with an amazing rendition of John Lennon’s “Imagine”. Tonite he earned bonus points for coming out and doing Phil Collins’ “Another Day in Paradise”. Phil Collins is, of course, the G.O.A.T. in the adult contemporary pop world, and ol’ Porkchop covered his song fantastically.

Next up we have Chikezie aka “Chicklets”. Ol’ Chicklets is a Ruben Studdard/Mekhi Pfifer lookin’ ass ni**a, but he can sing his beeeeehind off. He had a “Just aight for me, dawg” nite during 60’s week, but last week he had a great performance, kickin’ some Donnie Hathaway (no relation to The Princess Diaries chick) type stuff. I thought he was awesome again tonite, covering “All the woman that I need”, but ol’ hatin’ ass Simon Cowell dissed him. I’m hoping people will vote for him to keep him in cuz he’s the only brother there. I voted for him!

Last up we have Michael Johns aka “The Aussie”. Tell you what, I’m rooting for this guy because Australians are cool, not to mention the fact that EngRep lives in Australia and he’s friggin’ awesome. Plus, this Johns dude can sing. He’s one of those UK white guys that can sing Soul music with some swag, temerity, and chutzpah. Not like that Jay Leno lookin’ ass ni**a SpiderHead aka Taylor “Dropped from my Label” Hicks. Anyway, this dude is cool, and it’d be funny if an Australian won American Idol.

Next up we have The Girls- First up on the girls is Carly Smithson. She’s the Irish chick with the awesome voice and the cool tattoo quarter sleeve on her right arm. Now, people give my girl Carly shit cuz she was signed to a record deal, but I think that’s bogus. (Yes way, Ted!). I mean, I’ve never heard of this girl before this show, and I’m willing to guess that 95% of America didn’t hear of her either despite her deal and the alleged millions that was spent on her album. Anyway, This girl is friggin’ cool, and cute, with great eyes, but she’s Irish too! Her speaking voice is so much fun cuz there’s nothing–AND THE ROCK MEANS NOTHING–more…I dunno, sexy? Cool? Interesting? than an Irish accent on a girl.

The next girl I dig is Brooke White aka “Crazy Evangeline Girl”. She’s got that nickname because she kiiiinda looks like my friend Evangeline (aka she’s Hot City) but unlike ol’ Evangeline, she looks like one of these girls that’s super-perfect but is also completely insane and adorably unreasonable. But! This is a singing competition, and homegirl can sing. I like her sunny disposition and her smile. She’s like Amy Adams’ character in Enchanted, and even if she doesn’t win AI, there’ll always be a job for her at a Disney Theme Park.

My last girl is Kady Molloy aka “The one that does the Britney impressions”. First and foremost, this girl has an a-m-a-z-i-n-g voice. If she came on the scene anywhere from 1994-1999, she’d be a megastar now. Her voice is kind of like a cross between Celine Dion in “Belting Mode” and Leeann Rimes (no relation to Mr. “Put your hands where my eyes could see”), all power and prettytude. Only problem is, like with Chicklets, the judges kill her every time out. I think she’s got maybe the best voice of all the girls they have, but if Simon and Company keep knocking her, people aren’t gonna vote for her. Yes, she’s also megawatt Hot, but there are other pretty girls that I don’t support at all.

My guy pick is Porkchop, hands down. This kid is genuinely “Aw shucks!” with a fantastic voice and a gift for picking arrangements to make touching songs even more impactful and–dare I say it–magical than they originally were. I like The Aussie and I like Chicklets, but those are sentimental faves so far, and Porkchop has won me over completely with his singing ability.

My girl pick is Carly Smithson. I liked her from jumpstreet, right from the first “Getting to know you” video montage they played in the audition round. She seems really likable and was very passionate about wanting to win this year’s competition. The fact that she can sing with grace (no relation to the guy who played “Venom” in Spiderman 3) and power makes me root for her even more.

My overall pick to win is Carly Smithson. An Irish tattoo’d girl that runs a bar in San Diego (that my brother has been to, holla!) whose story touched me (wah wah wah–grow up!) has just got to win. Normally I don’t really care who wins Idol, really, and I’ve only given a dang who was in the finals in 2003 (I wanted Ruben to win cuz he was black and Clay Aiken was another skinny white boy with bad hair) and 2006 (Katharine McPhee is so hot it’s unfair, and I hated Spiderhead), but this is the first year I’ve had a legit interest based on the personalities and talent (not so much looks, cuz there girtls hotter than Carly left in the competition) of the participants.

***

Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap

So yeah, good year for Idol, and I’m enjoying the bonding time with my father watching the show.

Oh, and if you’re not down with that, I’ve got four words for ya…

–RTH

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9 Responses to “Uncle The Hussein vs American Idol”

  1. reythehussein Says:

    1- For videos of the performances and pics of the AI hotties from this season, go to americanidol.com

    2- I don’t know why that whole thing thinks it’s a link. I can’t fix it. It won’t take you anywhere, it just stays blue and underlines.

  2. reythehussein Says:

    FUCKING WHORES OF THE UNDEAD! I don’t even know where the blue went.

    SMH. WordPress loves fucking with me.

  3. MK Says:

    Yes, MK. This part of my post is gonna be about American Idol. No skipping to the end, or I’ll slander you in the next one.

    ^Dammit! I was JUST thinking that when I got to that line. You win this round, Rey!

    Phil Collins is, of course, the G.O.A.T. in the adult contemporary pop world

    ^That’s fucking disgusting. Phil Collins isn’t even the G.O.A.T. of Genesis solo projects. He’s fighting off Mike and the Mechanics and only In The Air Tonight is helping his ugly bald ass.

    Her speaking voice is so much fun cuz there’s nothing–AND THE ROCK MEANS NOTHING–more…I dunno, sexy? Cool? Interesting? than an Irish accent on a girl.

    ^^That’s one of the only accents I’m not attracted to. The whole Irish culture, it’s too cutesy-poo to take seriously.

    That’s all I got, cuz I got a headcold and American Idol is like adding syphilis to the fire.

  4. Encyclopedia Black Says:

    Phil Collins isn’t all that….but he did have two solid 80s jams with “In The Air Tonight” and his duet with Philip Bailey from Earth Wind and Fire, the WILDLY underrated/barely mentioned “Easy Lover.”

    Props to Irish girls.

  5. Encyclopedia Black Says:

    And “Against All Odds (Take A Look At Me Now).” You really can’t fuck with that song. It gets to the point. He’s really mastered the art of the depressing, yet well constructed pop song. Then, something happened and he kind of lost that edge, like Sting.

  6. REEF Says:

    i don’t fuck with american idol no more…. after they got rid of their resident thick chick joann, i said fuck’em…. toccaras of the world unite! and come to my house

    VIOLATOR ALL-STAR DJ’S, DJ JAM X & WEB

    22 EXCLUSIVE ORIGINAL CUTS!!!!

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  7. gares Says:

    i dont like american idol competition..

    http://purehiphop.freehostia.com/

  8. jay Says:

    dude, your blog sucks…why are you seeming all hardcore while talking about american idol…IT AINT THAT SEROUS cupcake

  9. reythehussein Says:

    “Seeming all hardcore”? Dude, are you serious?

    *SMH*

    xxlmag.com is thataway—->

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