ReyTheHussein Breaks Down the 1st Six Weeks of Hollywood’s Summer 2k8
It’s just past quarter to 8p on Sunday, June 15th, 2008. Yep, bloggin’ on Father’s Day. I’m in good spirits, despite an annoying recurrence of ear infection.
Seeing as how aside from my buddy Web and Mr. Nasir Jones there’s nothing going on in hip-hop that interests me, and all my TV shows except for WWE Monday Night Raw are in reruns, I figured I’d head back to the movie well.
So for Father’s Day 2008 I promised Pop Dukes that we’d go to the cinema to see The Happening. Whilst there I took note of the fact that, with the exception of Speed Racer and Kung Fu Panda, I’ve seen every big movie to come out since this year’s summer movie season began 6 weeks ago.
I realize that I’m a lucky bastard because my friend DTMJ is the #2 man at the Commack Mul-Ti-Plex, and he gets me free passes to see whatever I want, whenever I want. No, seriously. Today is the third day in a row that I ventured out to the theater.
However, for you non-hooked up MoFos out there, the movies is an expensive trip, so I thought I’d break down what’s come out so far and let you know what’s worth your $10.25 and what’s worth a NetFlix rental. Oh, but just so you know, I’m not a movie snob at all, and I possess a tremendous ability to suspend disbelief, so my ratings are gonna be generous.
Here we go.
1- Iron Man. Okay, I’ll admit–my fan boy friend Maverick kiiiinda turned me off to this. IMO, the SpiderMan franchise is the GOAT of SuperHero movies. (don’t get me started on the utter bullshlacha that was the X-Men series). Sooo, when he said that IronMan was gonna be better, I raised my eyebrow. Anyhoo, I still managed to work up some genuine excitement about seeing IM and I wasn’t disappointed. Robert Downey Jr. played a different Tony Stark than I remember from the few comics I read, but I found him engaging and worth rooting for. The supporting cast was very good, as were the effects and the story. While I didn’t think this was better than any of the Spidey flicks, but it is still tied for the best movie I’ve seen thus far. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- See it in the theater.
2- The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. First off, I haven’t read any of the Narnia books. I’m a reader, but lately I can’t concentrate on novels. Magazines, Newspapers, sure. I think it might be the restlessness of being unemployed. Anyway, despite my unfamiliarity with the series, I absolutely loved the first Narnia movie. Having recently become a born-again Christian, I loved the Christ undertones. Having a baby brother in San Diego (he’s 26, but my fellow big brothers know that the little ones will always be babies) made me love the relationship between the two brothers in the film. I dug the fudge out of it, and it was the kinda movie that made me feel good when leaving the theater. Prince Caspian, however, seemed a bit uneven. I can’t quite put my finger on it, but I wasn’t quite satisfied. On paper it was all there (no book pun intended), but it just didn’t do it for me this time around. I was still entertained, but I couldn’t escape the “Something’s a bit off” feeling. The acting was good, the effects were good, but the story seemed kinda weird. I dunno, I might just have to see it again to make sure. Still tho’, I’m looking forward to the next in the series. I dug the Harry Potter books/movies overall even tho’ the fifth and sixth books were just aight and the 3rd movie made me physically angry. So Narnia will live on in my nerdy fanboy barrell o’ interests. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- It’s worth the scrilla if you’re a fan of the first movie or the books, but if you’re not, better save this one for DVD–it’ll sound great if you’ve got a surround sound system.
3- Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. This was another time when I left the theater going, “That meal was good but I’m still not full.” Then I saw it a second time. I gotta admit, I enjoyed it a whole lot more the second time around. Sure, the Aliens thing was really weird for an Indiana jones movie, but when you think about it, where else were they supposed to go? Another biblical artifact? Another bit of tribespeople magic? Fact is, to keep the sensational fantasy elements going, aliens was the right choice. Harrison Ford was a good Indy, it was nice seeing Karen Allen’s “Marion Ravenwood” back, and Shia LaBeouf continued his Summer Movie Streak with another good performance. I gotta admit, I was worried about Shia in this one but I found his “Mutt” character to be a lot of fun. Good effects by Industrial Light and Magic round out the good acting and solid, if at first a bit odd, story. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- The epic chase scene thru the jungle alone is worth the $10.50. Toss in the nostalgia factor and the BUM BA DUM BUM! BUM BA DUMMMM music and you’ve got a good experience.
4- Sex and the City. There is no doubt in mind that every guy reading this has, at some point, had to sit thru an episode or 4 this show. Girls swear by it now the way me and my guys swear by The Wonder Years. Getting it right out of the way, I can’t stand Sarah Jessica Parker’s “Carrie” character. She is the embodiment of the stupid female who makes the wrong decision knowing full well it’s wrong, only to expect sympathy when said decision turns out to be–surprise!–wrong. The rest of the girls– Charlotte (Kristin Davis), Miranda (Cynthia Nixon), and Samantha (Kim Cattrall) were a lot more palatable. Plus, you know, they don’t look like feet. Anyway, For a movie that was like 2.5 hours long, I dug it the whole way thru. It helps to know the characters and what happened in the HBO series finale, but they do a nice job of introducing the characters and developing them for the big screen. Despite the ugly fashion, the overpriced ridiculous shoes, and the super-skinniness of the women-folk, the movie is actually more Rom-Com than Chick Flick. I ended up liking the movie and digging the overall message. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- If you’re not a fan and your woman isn’t a fan, don’t bother. With the original run on HBO, the season series DVDs, and the reruns on the CW and TBS, you’ve had your chance to watch and refused to. No need to punish yourself or rile up your female.
5- You Don’t Mess With The Zohan. Okay, this is gonna sound retarded, but I’ve already seen this movie 3 times. Once with Pop Dukes, once with my friend ‘Chelle, and last nite with “Charlotte”, this girl I know that looks like, well, Charlotte from SATC. Anyway, they wanted to see it, but I didn’t mind because, quite frankly, Zohan is tied with IronMan for the Best Movie to Come Out in Summer 2008. Written by Adam Sandler, Robert Smigel, and Judd Apatow, the movie is slapstick and intelligent, clever and silly. Sandler isn’t afraid to play a character, and his supporting cast has always been top-notch. The flick is quotable and has some great laughs. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- This one needs to be seen in a theater and soon. The communal experience makes the whole thing even better. Adam Sandler has put together one of his best movies ever, IMO.
6- The Incredible Hulk. I avoided the 2003 Hulk on the strength that I miss at least one summer blockbuster every year. Turns out I made a good choice. I saw about 15-20 minutes once on PPV (“It can’t be that bad” = Famous last words) and it was tear-i-bull. It joined Mafia and Bride of Chucky as the only movies I’ve ever chosen to watch and couldn’t finish. However, in a strange bit of logic, I figured that this version of the Hulk would be worth watching simply because the last one was so bad–they just couldn’t screw it up twice in a row. As I happily discovered on Friday, they didn’t. I really, really liked this movie. I felt for Ed Norton’s “Bruce Banner” character, so even tho’ he really only Hulks out 3 times in the movie, you’re still intrigued. Liv Tyler’s “Elizabeth Ross” was a great cinema down ass chick, and I enjoyed the chemistry between her and Norton. The bad guy played by Tim Roth was a treat as well. The Marvel in-jokes were very clever, and the effects were solid. Rounding out alllll that, the action scenes were riveting. I rank this one slightly below YDMWTZ and IM, but it’s definitely entertaining. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- Pfff, see this movie. See it in a loud theater with a buncha people. By the time the last fight comes around you’ll be pumped.
7- The Happening. For some reason, people have chosen to shit on M. Night Shyamalan just for sport. The Sixth Sense was all-time classic, Unbreakable was (from what I’ve heard) another good one, Signs was an incredible movie that I loved, and while The Village fell short, I didn’t think it was the crime against God and Country that people made it out to be. Sure, the “twist” fell way short of TSS and Signs, but I respect dude for what he was trying to do. I skipped Lady in the Water back in 2006, but my buddy Smithalini said it was good, and he can be a picky fuck about movies. That brings us to this year’s The Happening. Lemme get my one criticism outta the way: Mark Wahlberg–who is one of my favorite actors–played a teacher, but unfortunately, his performance seemed like he was trying too hard to be nice and ended up delivering a ton of his lines like he was talking to 4th graders. Okay, aside from that, I watched this creepy-ass movie with wide eyes and a dropped-jaw. (el pauso). This had a slow build and lots of squirm-inducing moments. There were bits where I had to look away, and other bits that had all kindsa “Oh man, they couldn’t be…” stuff that made it impossible to look away. The message behind this movie was clear by the end, and I left satisfied. I can still see people shitting on M. Night, but douchebags will be douchebags. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- This was an old school suspense flick without any real special effects, so seeing it in a theater isn’t completely necessary. Fellas, this one might be a good “Watch it with your girl at home in the dizzark” movie, as the whole “chicks get all close during scary flicks” will probably apply. Unless you’re one of those insufferable bleeding twats that laughs during scary movies. Matter fact, if you are one of those, click that little “X” in the upper-right hand corner. I hate you.
Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap.
Okay kids, that’s it for the May 2nd-June 13th portion of the Summer Movie Season 2008 campaign. Lots of good movies, lots of good times to be had. I’m always gonna be a movie buff, and I pride m’self on my ability to suspend disbelief and watch movies like a guy who wants to escape and be entertained, and not pick apart movies or ridicule them into oblivion. Frankly, that guy baffles me because I can’t see the point in walking thru life nitpicking shit like crazy. Sure, I refuse to see Billy Madison, but ya know what? There need to be lines drawn in the sand. You gotta be able to down some stuff, but up the rest of it. You can’t just go thru life going, “Ehh, that was just aight” cuz pretty soon EVERYTHING becomes “just aight”. I’ll bash Lil’ Wayne into little Gremlin bits and big up Kanye because there needs to be balance.
You have your favorites and you have your hate ’ems. Look no further than the internets effect on hip-hop. You’d think the abundance of music would lead to enlightened listeners, but instead, people absorb everything at alarming rates and end up acting like bullshit ass hater critics. Fuck that shit.
Oh, and also? Disaffected Cool is the lamest shit ever–narrowly edging out “I liked ___ better when it/he/they first came out” and “Dude’s got swagger”. Have the balls to actually like some stuff, and actually dislike some stuff, and stick with it. So yeah. Check your fuckin’ cool kids club stuff at the door.
After all…It ain’t that serious.
As always, comments, critiques, questions, and reasons why me seeing Billy Madison is as essential as world peace and my friend Vanessa making out with can be left below in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.
Thanks for tuning in,