Dr. Beardhussein Prescribes Some Cinematic Goodness
(Amanda Seyfriend is hot. That’s why.)
Yep, I know I’m two days late on this post, but I figure it’d be a nice read for a Friday. It’s 12:47am on Friday, July 25th. I’m in good spirits. I just found out my unemployment benefits are being extended by 13 weeks, which is nice. Kiiinda takes the edge off of the whole Social Services nonsense.
Of course, I worked 4 days last week so that might’ve thrown a monkeywrench in the whole thing.
Anyway, I’ve seen a ton of movies so let’s get going. Enjoy.
I’ve been pondering this post for a while. I knew this summer would have some good flicks, but I didn’t think they’d be this good. Last Summer might have waayyy more big-time movies but this summer isn’t too shabby.
However, I think we’ve hit the highs already this summer, whereas last summer there were good movies coming out straight thru the end of August. The rest of this summer looks kinda snoozeville.
Alrighty then, here we go, starting with Friday, June 20th.
1- Get Smart. Let’s get this out of the way: Anne Hathaway is smoking hot. It’s almost ridiculous how amazing she is. Great body, great face, sweet voice, pert rack, amazing lips… *takes cold shower*. Moving on! I was a fan of Get Smart the TV show when I was younger–big ups to Nick at Nite before it became the home of The Fresh Prince of Bel Aire–so I was looking forward to this. I gotta admit, I wasn’t disappointed. Steve Carrell’s “Maxwell Smart” was a great lead character. He was kind of a cross between his “Andy” character from 40 Year Old Virgin and Detective Joe Friday from the old Dragnet series. Vulnerable, but by the book. Anyway, Carrell’s performance was good–very funny. Anne Hathaway was hot and a strong woman, so that was cool. The cast was rounded out by Alan Arkin as “The Chief”, Duane “The Rock” Johnson as “Agent 23”, and WWE Superstar “The Great Khali” as an evil KAOS agent. The jokes were good, the plot was thorough enough, and Anne Hathaway was hot. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- It’s already out of the theaters, but it was worth the price of admission. It’s also worth a DVD rental, definitely a purchase if you’re a fan of Carrell.
2- The Love Guru. Okay, so at Alumnah.com I pretty much bashed Mike Myers into oblivion, and with good reason. Dude is a hack. That being said, Guru ended up being an amusing flick. Not cuz of Mike Myers tho’. His character was annoying, his mugging was tiresome, and his jokes seemed like they were copied straight out of a 5th graders Book Fair edition of “1,001 Jokes To Amuse Your Friends”. The rest of the cast was entertaining tho’. Justin Timberlake’s character was absolutely hilarious and he stole the show. Officially, I hate Justin, but dude has legit acting talent–this time a comedic role instead of the troubled character he played in Black Snake Moan and the conflicted yet likable character in Alpha Dog. Jessica Alba is still too skinny and not a great actress. Romany Malco (aka “Jay” from 40 Year Old…) was good in his role. Meagan Good is also super-hot (way >>> Alba) and did well in her limited role. All in all, the movie ended up being entertaining and did have some hearty laughs thanks to Justin Timberlake’s character. Oh, plus? A cameo by Kanye West in the film’s climax (pause) made the whole thing jump a grade for me. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- All in all, Timberlake’s performance makes this worth a DVD rental. It’s a stupid, goofy, tripe soup of a movie, but it’d be good for a Blockbuster/NetFlix nite.
3- Wanted. Angelina Jolie. Is. Super. Hot. Morgan Freeman is awesome. James McAvoy (spelling?) is a competent and engaging lead. Common was in the movie for like 14 seconds. Anyway, the plot is about a secret fraternity of assassins doing secret fraternity assassinations. The stunts and junk in the movie were very entertaining, and very original–but the problem for me was that they were obviously CGI. That kiiiinda takes the fun out of it. Car chases aren’t fun when the car is CGI. For example, last summer’s Live Free or Die Hard had that ill “Car Kills Helicopter” scene–and that wasn’t CGI, it was “real”. Sooo while some of the stunts in Wanted were awesome, the fakeness of it took something away. I’d have been okay with slightly less awesome stunts that were real than CGI stizzuff. Moving right along, the movie was entertaining and a nice bit of mindless action and guns. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- Worth a look in the theater, maybe a matinee. The special effects–CGI or otherwise–should be seen on a big screen, 60″ homescreens are cool, but not as cool as 30’x20′ screens.
4- Wall*E. Flat out, Wall*E is absolutely amazing. The visuals were beautiful. The story was thought-provoking and intelligent. The humor was clever. Plus, Wall*E and his co-star EVE, were engaging and endearing with only 4 different words spoken between the 2 of them throughout the film. Let me put it this way, and I don’t give a righteous bleeding fuck who knows it: The story was so simple, the characters so compelling, that I spent the last half of the film in tears. Sure, it’s a kids movie, but it’s also an intelligent piece of social commentary…but that’s not all. It’s also, at it’s core, a love story. A very simple love story about compassion and caring and finding that one special person out there that you’d do anything for. You feel for Wall*E & EVE like they were real people. You root for them, and their trials and tribulations ensnare you to the point where you’re completely sucked into their world. Absolutely amazing film. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- This is, along with the second to last movie, the best movie of the summer. Matter ‘fact, to me, this is the best movie to come out in years and years. I’ve never responded to a film this way, and I don’t give a shit how sarcastic you are, how much of an e-thug you are–this movie needs to be experienced as soon as possible.
5- Hancock. Hancock seems to be a movie that polarizes people. The polarization comes from one element of the film: The Twist. If you liked the twist, bought the twist, accepted it and moved on, you liked the movie. If the twist was too much of a twist for you, or took you in a direction you didn’t necessarily enjoy, you didn’t like the movie. All of that aside, Will Smith is fucking incredible, and he never fails to play a character that people enjoy and root for. Hancock has the sincere Jason Bateman, the uber-hottie Charlize Theron, some very funny scenes, and ultimately, a story what needs to be told. Flat out, the world needs heroes, whether or not they’re only around on celluloid. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- Summer is Will Smith’s bitch, and this movie preserves his much-deserved legacy. See it in the theater, enjoy it, and don’t bitch about nonsense.
6- Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. I don’t recall much of the first Hellboy, and I’m convinced this movie was made not off the strength of the first one, but rather the success of Guillermo Del Toro’s critically acclaimed Pan’s Labyrinth. Anyway, seeing as how I didn’t remember a lot of HB1, and I never read the comics, this was practically my first experience with HB. All in all, I enjoyed the movie. Lots of humor, some really cool fight scenes, a couple sweet moments, and some funky creatures what woulda made Jim Henson proud. Oh, plus, Selma Blair is hot. Dr. Baerdhussein’s Diagnosis- If you dug the first one, or you read the comics, catch this in the theater. If you didn’t do either, I wouldn’t really bother cuz you’ll be lost. The theater is always my preferred destination for movies, but you wouldn’t miss much seeing this at home on a decent-sized television, via On Demand or DVD.
7- Journey to the Center of the Earth in 3-D. Ya know, I really should be less lazy about blogging, because Brendan Fraser totally deserves his own “Brendan Fraser = Awesome” post. This was a really fun movie, and if you’ve got a little cousin or son or something, you should take them to see this. Lots of cool creatures and silly jokes and running and loud whatnots make this a great matinee flick, a great summer flick. B-Fras is top-notch here, and while the special effects do look a bit cartoony, the 3D makes the whole thing work. I got to see it in the third dimension, and it was just so much fun. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- See it in the theater! Get 3D glasses! EMBRACE YOUR DORKINESS!
8- The Dark Knight. Quite simply put, an amazing cinematic experience. 90 minutes into the movie I was already satisfied with the film and ready for the climax and credits and I’d have left happy. Then I remembered there was still another hour to come. TDK is feels fast paced, but quite an elaborate story is being told. Heath Ledger’s performance is amazing, but I wonder if I feel this way because of the actual performance or if it’s because the performance was good enough to want more, which then triggers the “Oh yeah, Heath has passed away” response–and therefore bumps it up. (you followed that, right?) Anyway, it’s similar to how I felt about Brandon Lee in The Crow. I was amazed and mystified and completely in awe the whole time…but have never felt compelled to watch the film a second time. Anyway, Ledger was incredible and I definitely think he deserves a whole Rey’s Fitted Load of accolades and awards. The rest of the cast was superb–Christian Bale is the second best Batman (Michael Keaton = GOAT), Michael Caine is a terriffic Alfred, Gary Oldman’s Lieutenant Gordon is root-for-able, and Morgan Freeman is the mo’fuggin’ man. Oh, plus, Maggie Gyllenhall is hot and a good actress, but honestly, I didn’t have one problem with Katie Holmes in the “Rachel Dawes” role. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- Run, don’t walk. See this in the theater. Get a big ass thing of popcorn, maybe 2, and a big ass soda, maybe 2. It’s 2 1/2 hours of amazingness, and it’s tied with Wall*E as the best flick to come out in Summer 2008.
9- Mamma Mia. Okay, look. Yes, I saw this. No, I didn’t have to pay. Yes, I was there with girls. 3 girls. No, I had no shot with any of them. Yes, one of them I liked (my exes’ roommate from february/march blog fame). I gotta say, this one was just okay. Aside from “Dancing Queen”, I don’t know any danged Abba songs, and there were way too many old people in the movie. However! The main character, “Sophie”, played by Amanda Seyfriend, is hot. Like, really hot. Like, she’s got amazing eyes hot. Like, she’s got a spectacular rack hot. Plus, her two girl friends in the movie were also super-hot. As were the other girls in the big “Bachelorette Party” scene. Unfortunately, friggin’ Meryl Streep and other assorted old people got the majority of the screen time, so the hottie revelry was sporadic. Dr. Beardhussein’s Diagnosis- Ughh. Don’t see this. Really. Don’t. If your girlfriend makes you, that’s one thing. Don’t ever volunteer tho’. Last year’s Hairspray had better songs, more Amanda Bynes, and a better message than this one. I saw it cuz it was free and something to do.
Call Reynolds, cuz it’s a Wrap.
Alright kids, that’s it for today. I’m doing an okay job of balancing the music making and the blogging, so between here and Alumnah.com, you should be getting some consistent goodness from yours truly.
As for the rest of the summer’s movies, I’m looking forward to Stepbrothers, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Tropic Thunder, and The Mummy 3. I think Kevin Costner’s Swing Vote is gonna be good, but I’m very wary of Pineapple Express. I like Seth Rogan, but I don’t like James Franco as a comedic guy, and quite frankly, pot and pothead humor bore the fuck outta me. I’m still baffled that people smoke weed past the age of 13. Shit’s kiiinda pathetic to me.
Anyway, that’s it. I’m done. My younger brother (San Diego) is coming home for two weeks in August, and I shant be posting then unless something spectacular happens, but I’ll try to get a few posts up between now and then. I hope the summer is good to you guys!
Thanks for checking in,