Vancouver’s Own WEB Goes Through The IATS Gauntlet
Rollin’ Rollin’ Rollin’….
We all know how super-serious 99% of hip-hop’s denizens are. Bunch of artists, journalists, and fans posturing and posing all in an attempt to…what? Impress other dudes?
That’s where I come in.
ReyTheHussein strives to bring fun back to the game, free from all the disclaimers, “ether”, and other assorted nonsense that takes all the joviality out of hip-hop and replaces it with “Aggressive Content”.
To that end, I present to you a new feature here at It Ain’t That Serious, “20 Questions What Ain’t That Serious”. In each installment, we’ll take a member of the hip-hop community–artists, journalists, and fans–and get them to relax a bit, and have some fun.
First up is WEB, a VanCity rapper and friend of the site, as well as the now-defunct Alumnah site. He agreed to go through the randomry of the 20 Questions first. Soooo, sit back, relax, and enjoy the irreverence.
After all, it ain’t that serious.
1- RTH- Who was your favorite rapper before you started rapping?
Web- Ice Cube and Nas, without question. I would go with the cliche Rakim or RUN DMC answer but I was too young to really understand what they were talking about. I discovered hip hop through KRS, Slick Rick, Eric B and Rakim, Kool G Rap, etc, but the first rappers I heard that made me skip school to watch Rap City were Ice Cube and Nas (equally).
2- RTH- What’s your favorite “No Homo” disclaimer?
Web- Oh man. I have so many. I would have to go with No Liberace or No Man-Bag. There’s so much you can do with both. Pause is waaayyyy too played out and No Homo has no creativity. No homo should be re-named, No Imagination.
3- RTH- Give me a song you’re embarrassed to like. I’m talking, “Windows Up, Volume Up, Belt at the top of your lungs” style.
Web- Pon De Replay by Rihanna. I don’t know why but I bug the fuck out whenever I hear that joint. You’ve just outed me as a Rihanna fan.
4- RTH- What’s a corny TV show you can’t help but watch allll the time?
Web- Saved By The Bell. I am absolutely obsessed with it to this day. Every time I go to Best Buy I stand in front of the rack staring at the seasons of Saved By The Bell on dvd and try to build up the courage to buy it but it never happens. There’s a No Homo disclaimer in there somewhere.
5- RTH- Who do you wanna just smack the hell out of?
Web- Wow. There’s no one person so I’ll just name them off in no particular order. Myspace rappers, hipsters, pretend thug rappers, Rupert Murdoch, Bill O’Reilly, anybody that works at MuchMusic (Canada) or FOX, white bread hicks who voted for John McCain because he’s white, white college kids who voted for Barack Obama because he’s black (know the issues dummies), bloggers who don’t show love to the up and coming dudes (me) and bloggers who show too much love to the hipsters. *deep breath*.
6- RTH- What was the worst rejection you’ve ever received from a girl? Be cringeworthy in your recall.
Web- There was this girl I used to see around the city that I had this out of control crush on. She used to work at this clothing store called, “Le Chateau” right on the main corner of downtown Vancouver. No joke, I would walk clear across the city just to catch the bus from the bus stop out front of the store and see if I could somehow “accidentally” run into her. Of course every time I did, I would get scared and keep walking by. So one night after roughly about 12 beers I was cruising through myspace and I stumbled across her page. I then proceeded to write possibly the most creepiest myspace love message of all time. I told her about every time I saw her, how it made me feel and even what she was wearing. I basically sounded like I had a shrine to her in some backwoods shed and sacrificed various animals to her daily. The next day I saw that she read the message and she blocked me from being able to contact on myspace at all EVER. Alcohol + Love=Creep.
7- RTH- What was your first screen name? AOL/AIM, whatever. Explain why you chose it.
Web- Believe it or not it was WEB. But for the sake of making it interesting I’ll go with “Loves_2_Spooge”.
8- RTH- What hip-hop trend did you jump on that you look back on now and go, “Man, that was baaaad!”?
Web- So many. But my number 1 most “why the fuck did I do that?” trend was wearing my clothes backwards like Kriss Kross. Not only did I look ridiculous but it made normal human functions almost impossible.
9- RTH- Pick your favorite: Homeboy, Homes, Homey, Home Wok, Home Skillet, Home Slice.
Web- Homie. It works on so many levels and is just hip hop enough to maintain my rap cred but mainstream enough that white people don’t say I think I’m black.
10- Rey- Give me a movie you cried during or at the end of.
Web- The Green Mile. “We kill what we love”. ‘Nuff said.
11- RTH- Have your parents ever caught you “in the act”? (can be a “monologue” or a “dialogue”).
Web- Young Lady: Lean back, pull my hips up and do that thing you do.
*I then proceed to do just that.*
Young Lady: Yeah. Right there.
Young Lady: Oh. My. Fuckin. God!
Mom: Jason! Not cool. Not cool at all.
12- RTH- Chocolate, Vanilla or Strawberry Ice Cream. (Not a metaphor, really ice cream)?
Web- Strawberry with the chunks of real strawberry in it that you get at Baskin Robins.
13- RTH- Give me a reason why I shouldn’t hate Jim Jones, “rapper”.
Web- I have no reason for you sir. Proceed to hate.
14- RTH- Name all 5 Backstreet Boys. NO GOOGLING.
Web- Oh shit. Um. Justin Timberlake, Lance Bass, Nick Carter, the dude with the funny facial hair and that other guy. But for bonus cool points here’s the whole line-up of the New Kids On The Block: Danny, Donnie, Joey, Jon and Jordan. I was a huge fan when I was 5 years old.
15- RTH- Before you settled on “Web”, what was an earlier, hopefully more embarrassing Stage Name?
Web- It’s always been Web. I’ve been called Web ever since I was a lil boy so it’s never been different. I was a graffiti artist before I was an emcee and I wrote “Web” so I figured it would only make sense if I carried it over into rappin. If it’s any consolation my rap name used to be “Webmatic” which is corny as fuck and sounds like I’m a can opener.
16- RTH- Jessie, Kelly, or Lisa, and why?
Web- All of’em and here’s why….
Jessie is that brainy chick that you’re not initially attracted to but because she’s so uptight you wanna get her into a dirty handicapped washroom, throw her up on the sink and just go IN.
Kelly is the obvious choice. Cool as fuck and fine as hell. She’s the most popular girl in school so once you hit, every fly chick in school is gonna wanna see what’s up. There is no downfall to hittin Kelly whatsoever.
Lisa is WIFEY. She keeps it classy but also has a bad ass attitude. So you know she ain’t never gonna cheat (it’s beneath her) and behind closed doors she’s a MONSTER. Screech had it right the whole time. Too bad Lisa only fucks with dudes like me (or so I like to believe).
17- RTH- Who would you rather have to wingman for: Steve Urkel or Paul Pfeiffer?
Web- Paul Pfeiffer. He was a complete geek but he had this good hearted dude thing going on too. Like, you couldn’t really tear into him if you were mad cuz he would cry but when it came down to the wire he had your back. An easy sell for the ladies.
18- RTH- If you could wake up tomorrow with either, would you rather have an awesomely giant Afro, or the ability to breakdance incredibly for one hour?
Web- I would breakdance incredibly for one hour and videotape it. Then I would put it on youtube and call it “Crank Dat Websta Boy”, destroy hip hop, count my millions and call it a day. What’s that you say? It’s already been done? Go figure.
19- RTH- Give me your foolproof hangover cure.
Web- One hour before you start drinking, pop a Midol tablet. I don’t know why but you don’t feel a fuckin thing the next day. If you’re a guy only pop ONE Midol tablet though. For some reason taking medication for menstrual symptoms (PMS) before drinking doesn’t seem very natural to me.
20- RTH- Which trend made you angrier: Guys wearing Pink or Guys wearing nut-hugger jeans?
Web- Both. I can’t even begin to explain what this trend does to me. I fuckin hate you hipsters and I hope you trip and fall into a black hole and disappear into a sea of high top fades and Cross Colors jeans.
***Bonus Question for Extra Credit***
RTH- I’m thinking of a number between one and twenty. What is it?
Web- 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18 and 19. People compare me to The Riddler.
Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap.
Alright kids, that’s it for tonite. Special thanks to the homey WEB for subjecting himself to my insanity.
To keep up with dude and his music (which really is exceptional), you can contact him at:
As always, Comments, Questions, Critiques, and Other Bits O’ Fun can be left below in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.
Thanks for checking in,