And No, not in the Big Pun sense.
Before you click to read more, please note the name of this site, and save the bullshit E-Thugging Hate. I couldn’t care less, and not enough people read this site to be impressed with your bullshit.
The question what needs to be asked and then answered is: Where do crushes go when they die?
Now, I don’t mean death in the sad, “Crushed, Obliterated, Trampled” sense, but rather the “Where do all of those intense feelings go when they’re done permeating one’s life?”
Philosophize with me.
What makes crushes so brilliant is that they are made up of 100% Hope.
They’re one of our most primal, most basic emotions, and I’ve discovered that–even as I’ve gotten older and even after all of the emotional fuckery I’ve been a part of–I can still have a crush make me happy and daydreamy for days. It’s a beautiful feeling.
I mean, think about it. You meet someone and something about them makes you go, “Whoa….” and you catch yourself staring. Something about them has hit you–pretty eyes, nice smile, a penchant for rocking sunglasses and black, grey, and white ties–and for a few minutes all of the boring Sane’n’Logical nonsense we as “adults” try to emphasize goes right out the friggin’ window. In those few moments, you want to know everything about them, you want to immediately strike up a conversation even tho’ your brain has become instantly blank thanks to the crush.
If you’re lucky enough to talk to them, you replay the conversation over and over again, until you’ve relived the interaction 246 times. Every remark, every sentence, every word is analyzed and broken down. Commonalities are sewn into flags and flown from the tallest tower of the Castle O’ Rey: “SHE LIKES PIZZA TOO!”
If you’re super-extra-Gump-Lucky and you see this person a lot, the crush makes us revert back to those school days and school-age habits: You find excuses to walk by them even tho’ it’s completely out of your way. You strike up conversations and then try to keep them going as long possible, and even tho’ 99% of the talk is wonderful and jovial, you pick apart that 1% where you said something awkward, or made a joke that landed with a resounding thud.
Yessir, crushes are beautiful things…but what happens when they’ve gone on long enough to fade away in intensity?
Places Where Crushes Go To Die:
1- “That was nice, but nothing’s gonna happen there.” Yep, this one is most common, especially amongst spineless jellyfish types. You enjoy the interaction, the brief flurry of butterflies in the tummy, and appreciate every smile that comes along, but ultimately you don’t act on it, don’t take the chance.
2- “Well, I got shot down, but at least I went for it.” For us Big Speech makers, this is the 2nd most desirable option. (if you don’t know what the first is…) At some point the good bits of our brain go, “Alright duder, it’s now or never” and we make our feelings known. Our shot clangs off the rim, but at least we had the guts to want the ball in crunch time. (sports metaphors >>>)
3- The “She’s got a boyfriend” No Contest. Ah, the loveliness of loopholes. This one can be either annoying but mostly harmless, or, if said boyfriend is a shithead and you’ve become close enough with CrushGirl to end up in the dreaded Friend-Zone, a slogging bataan death march to an inevitable blow up argument which will invariably end up with this sentence: “I’m crazy about you and I can’t listen to you talk about this guy anymore when I’d give anything to know what it’s like to wake up to you just once.”
4- “I’m stupid for thinking she’d ever go for a guy like me.” This is the battlecry of either the self-aware realist, or the person who gave into the fear of being rejected. For me, this thinking is based on the destruction of my ego/confidence at the hands of the Triangle of Terror, and the fact that I’m *checks* yep, still a fat guy. Mind you, my ego shows signs of life, and–the occasional misstep aside–I’m handling my bidniss in ways my critics would never have believed possible. Still tho’, I’ve been kicked enough to doubt myself, and sometimes this kicks in. The other side is the person who has a history of getting shot down. They’ve gotten rejected so many times that they refuse to come out of their little shell. They lose that bit of hope, and not only end up missing out on the Character-Building experience of Going For It, but they wind up hating themselves for not having the marbles or for whatever bits o’themselves they think leads to rejections we’ve ALL faced.
5- “OH MY GOD! SHE SAID YES!” ‘Nuff said.
So I reiterate the question: Where do crushes go when they die?
1- Appreciation for the person.
2- Motivation for self-improvement to put yourself in a better position to land the next crush person.
3- Fuel for everyone’s own ESOBAD (the name I’ve given to my evil son of a bitch asshole dickhead brain) to run around unchecked, cutting our self-esteem to ribbons and throwing piles of dirt and dung onto our hope.
Or, maybe Crushes go back into the box with our secret heart. Like I said, crushes are made up of 100% Hope. They are rainbows and butterflies and smiles and Nicky Time and Peggy Hugs.
They break free of damage done by wreckless people and the ravages of time and living life. They are free of pessimism and doubt.
They are fleeting moments of intense feelings that make you go, “Oh my God, I just want to feel this way forever, and since it started with pretty eyes, that person must be the key.”
Crushes are a manual override what clears out all the crazy, all the pain, and all the hurt–and leaves only Hope, and a feeling that says, “You know what? I’m gonna be happy again one day. I can make it until that day.”
Crushes are the reset button.