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Dr. Beardhussein Kicks Some Knowledge

I know it’s been a while since I’ve rocked out on here with some (hopefully) deep stuff, but let’s get into it, shall we?

It’s Go Time.
Within the last 10 days, I’ve seen Fired Up and SexDrive, two teen comedies that, like all teen comedies, revolve around unrequited love and sex and wacky adventures. I know a lot of people that look at those kinds of movies as corny and unrealistic, but I happen to have really enjoyed them. I don’t think we’re gonna see a series of movies like the American Pie/Can’t Hardly Wait/Ten Things I Hate About You/She’s All That, as well as Not Another Teen Movie, but “Fired..” and “Sex..” were both funny, and they got me to thinking.

(this is where I should say that I don’t care if the people from Rap Blog Land make fun of me–your words are like the buzzing of flies to me)

I’m officially on the other half of 28. I’m single, and I haven’t been in a relationship with a girl I truly trusted since 2001. I’ve had 3 girlfriends since then, I’ve hooked up with a few girls, participated in a pseudo 3-some, and other assorted adventures/liaisons.

However, your boy is still single like those cheese slices that are wrapped in plastic, and most of my friends are taken. Heck, they run the entire gamut of the relationship spectrum: married, married with a child, long term relationship with a child and living together, long term relationship where he doesn’t call his friends anymore and living together, long term relationship and practically living together, been dating for 9 months and still honeymooning, & last but not least a’tall, brand new relationship.

So, because of that, I can often get really bitter and cynical about relationships. It’s a double layer cake of suckishness, because on the one layer, they’re all taken the fuck up and I’m as available as Jim Jones’ rhyming dictionary. The other layer is that, not only am I the only single one, but most nites I end up sitting in front of this fuckin’ computer, or the TV, increasingly bitter that the guys are all out with their women, content to sit at home and be all coupled the fuck up while I’m home…alone…and single. That eventually leads to me hating them and hating myself and motherfucking vowing that when I find someone who likes me enough to not be seeing anyone else or thinking about seeing anyone else, I’ll give them all the middle the fuck finger and be the same disappearing shithead that the majority of them are.

But I Digress.

The main point is that since I’m all emotionally screwed up from the romantic loneliness and the friendship loneliness, sometimes it’s nice to watch one of those High School love story movies, the sex comedies with a sincere heart at the center of all the racing hormone tomfoolery. It’s nice to remember when life was innocent and love was brand new and everything was exciting. It’s nice to remember the roller coaster feelings. It’s nice to have every single day feel like a giant cliffhanger. It’s like wrestling back in the day: “OH MY GOD! STONE COLD IS HERE! HE’S IN THE RING! HE’S GOING TOE-TO-TOE WITH THE CORPORATION! WE’RE OUT OF TIME! WILL AUSTIN BE OKAY??”. Every day was like that, and no cliffhanger was more dramatic, more intense than saying goodbye to a crush or to a girlfriend and having to wait 14-17 hours before you could see them again.

So yeah, I watch Rom-Coms and Teen Movies and I get my emotional fix that way. I get lost in the celluloid or the pixels of a DVD and I let my guard down. I let the bitter, lonely cynic hush up and be lonely and bitter much quieter, and I enjoy feeling that sensation of hope, or new love and romantic adventures.

I am transported back to days when the hurts didn’t seem so damaging, so hurtful to the structure of my psyche and my self-esteem and my self worth.

***

It’s…a tough world we live in, and while I don’t have it one trillionth as bad as people in war-torn countries or famine-swept nations, where uncertainty revolves around literally life or death–I still hurt and I still have issues and baggage and I still long for happiness and peace.

I’m sure lots of people feel the way I do–grateful for what they have but still feeling incomplete (yes bsb) and wondering if they’re always gonna feel that way. Heck, I’m sure my twitter fam or NR peeps or other intrepid souls who check in with this tome despite the infrequent updates and lack of bloggy bells and whistles (videos, music, boring and predictable “shock” content) have nites that they feel this same way–even tho’ they’d never drop their facade of cool, hip apathy to admit it.

***

So we face these feelings together, armed with whatever positive and/or hopeful talismans we can find. For me, Kanye, Joey, Backstreet, Star Wars, and yes, the occasional sappy romantic comedy.

They’re symbols of hope and encouragement–little rocket boosts that help replenish the Love, Hope, and Faith that I need to keep going. Indeed my time to shine is coming, and shine I shall.

That way, one day I can turn to my Her, turn to my forever whilst watching one of those silly but sweet Teen Flicks or Rom-Coms and go, “Hey, that was us!”

***

Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap.

Okay folks, that’s it–two for one sale tonite. I hope you enjoyed my ramblings. Just so you know, we’re not revisiting the sad, emo 2007 where I basked in my pain and almost preferred it because, hey, negative attention is still attention. No sir, none of that. Just sharing some thoughts, thinking outloud…and hoping someone else feels the same way.

Hoping maybe I can help them, or they can help me–just by knowing we’re not alone.

As always, comments, questions, critiques, and reasons why new cheese tastes so much better than old cheese can be left below in the Christopher Wallace-Dr. Donda West Memorial Comments Section.

Thanks for tuning in,

–RTH

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