I Can See It Now…

So yeah, DROP DEAD SEXY is gonna be at The Nutty Irishman on FRIDAY NITE and it’s gonna be awesome. Great songs, great friends, silly dances, slightly overpriced drinks, and my favorite…

…you know what it is…


If you know me, you know that I loooove oogling the white women. I do. Seriously. Dude. Seriously. It’s like…It’s like… It’s friggin’ awesome. Gimme a cute white girl with pretty eyes and good hair and it’s like:

“Hey Girl. What’s happenin’? My name is Rey. Some people call me Big Sexy The Giant Killer. Some people call me El Katook. Still others call me Johnny Hobbit, but you can call me…tonite.”

and she’d be all:

“Oooh, Big Sexy The Giant Killer? I likes the sound of that.”

and then she’d totally flip her hair and bat her eyelashes and kiiinda stick out her ample bosom (bosom! wooooooooooo!) and be all like:

“So why do they call you Big Sexy The Giant Killer?”

and I’d do that cool thing where I lower my voice and lean in and I’d go:

“Well, cuz this wrestler in WCW used to call himself that, and I like wrestling, so I just kinda took it. In actuality, I’m not the sexiest dude ever, and I’ve never killed a Giant. Altho’ I have been told I’m quite girthy by more than one lucky lady.”

and she’d smile and be like:

“Oooh, Big Sexy, I love it when a guy uses self-deprecating humor. I also love honesty and oral sex.”

and I’d be like:

“You don’t have any STDs, Kids, or Crazy Ex or Current Boyfriends, do you?”

and she’d be like:

“Nope, in fact, I’m just here with my friend Kristy, and she’s got a thing for that guy you’re hanging out with–Pause.”

and I’d be like:

“You mean the Fat Guy in the mirror that looks just like me?”

and she’d be all like totally like going and saying and shit:

“Um, no. The one with the accent and the Tottenham Hotspur jersey.”

and I’d laugh and be like:

“Ohhh! You mean, EngRep? Yeah, he’s awesome. Your friend should totally talk to him and dance with him and let him feel up on her boo-tay. She doesn’t have any STDs, Kids, or Crazy Ex or Current Boyfriends, does she?”

and she’d be like:

“Nope, I’ll go tell her in a second, but first I gotta get a Coors Light, Quote obscure Star Wars lines, dislike onions, and completely wild out now that the band is playing Journey’s ‘Don’t Stop Believing’.”

and I’d be like:

“Whoa, that’s awesome!”

and then we’d totally make out right there.

Then she’d call her friend Kristy over to get to know EngRep, and then it’d be on like Donkey Kong.

*say it with me*




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