It’s Still Real To Dr. Beardhussein, Dangit!
It’s Go Time, brother!
Some of the most cherished memories I have are of checking out WWF (now WWE) action with my grandparents.
Back when they still lived with us (they’re in Puerto Rico now), on Monday nights around 5 minutes until 9:00pm, I’d make myself cozy in their bed and I’d prep myself for WWF Prime Time Wrestling on the USA network. Airwolf would air right before it, and ’til this day I have that show’s theme song memorized:
DA DANANANANA NANANANA NA NA NAA NAAAAAA
Anyway, after Airwolf was over, it’d be time for WWF wrestling action. Gorilla Monsoon and Bobby Heenan would call the matches, with Gorilla (RIP) handling the play-by-play on the side of the fan favorites, while Bobby “The Brain” Heenan (who called everyone “Humanoids” or “Ham’n’Eggers” and was nicknamed “The Weasel”) rooted for the rule breakers.
It was during those nites where I became enamored with wrestling. Guys like Tito Santana, Demolition, The Macho Man Randy Savage (say it with me: “Ooooh Yeeeaaahhh!”), The Powers of Pain, and, of course, the immortal Hulk Hogan.
Lemme tell you, ’til this day, I’m a Hulkamaniac. I will be on my deathbed, and someone’ll bring up WrestleMania VI, and I will rise up and say “HOGAN WAS ROBBED!” before collapsing.
The highlight of that time? Some poor wrestler falling from the top-rope and landing on his junk. Without fail, that would cause my Grandma to say “Scrambled eggs!”. Or, when a wrestler would go flying out of the ring, “JUEPA!”
After a while I fell out of love with wrestling. I still paid attention peripherally, to see who was up to what. Hulk Hogan eventually left the WWF for WCW, Shawn Michaels went from being a Rocker to being The Show Stopper. Andre The Giant died. *sad face*
Anyway, after a few years, I rediscovered my joy for WWF/E thanks to the exploits of Stone Cold Steve Austin. I loved how he wouldn’t put up with shit from anybody. I loved the stunner, the middle fingers, the swagger… The whole thing was inspirational, especially considering I was coming off of a season where I let quite a few people walk all over me.
*bitter flashbacks ensue*
*snaps out of it*
So yeah, Stone Cold was my hero, d-X came about, The Rock went from some smilin’ ass-kisser to a Pro Wrestling legend. My friends and I bonded over a mutual appreciation of wrestling, shamelessly ripping off personas and factions and generally terrorizing anyone that wasn’t down with us.
“Your time is up, my time is now!”
Eventually, most of my friends stopped following it, either because of the product itself or because of a general lack of interest. I still keep up with it, as do a few other friends, and that leads me to the last section of this particular post.
Tonite! Live from the world’s most famous arena, Madison Square Garden! World Wrestling Entertainment presents MONDAY NIGHT RAW!
Yessir, me and 6 friends have floor seats (floor seats!!!) to catch the show. Wrestling has been really good lately, some fresh storylines and some compelling characters combining to make for interesting viewing.
I’m giddy for several reasons: Going with so many people, my first Raw at MSG, the lineup (John Cena, the original d-X, The Undertaker, Randy Orton, Kofi Kingston), the Guest Host–“ROWDY” RODDY PIPER (back in the summer WWE implemented a special guest host every week. think SNL’s guest host, only they get to make matches and occasionally mix it up in the ring), and the always fun train ride into the city.
It’s gonna be a great nite. I’m excited.
“And that’s the bottom line, cuz Stone Cold said so!”
Still, there will be those that roll their eyes and say some hateriffic statements regarding wrestling…and I will have retorts. Here we go:
1- “But isn’t it fake?”- Gosh, and 24, Twilight, The Wire, & The Sopranos were real? *rolls eyes*
2- “You still watch that shit?”- Um, you still smoke weed? You still listen to rap music? You still watch any TV? I’m sorry that my life doesn’t revolve around impressing other people, but I’m glad you’re still an asshole.
3- “It’s the same thing every time!”- Indeed it is, but the Yankees & Lakers just won championships, and we’ve seen those before, right?
Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap.
Alright kids, I’m done for today. My cohorts and I made a bunch of signs, so hopefully we’ll get on TV. If we do, I’ll be sure to pause it, take a picture, and post it so you guys can catch your ol’ Uncle The Hussein proving that, indeed, It Ain’t That Serious.
As always, comments, critiques, questions and your own WWF/WWE/ECW/WCW memories can be left below in the Dr. Donda West-Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.
Thanks for tuning in,