So… (A Series Of Riffs)

Because It’s Wednesday, I’m at my job, and I ain’t got sh*t to do.


It’s Go Time.

So… I keep getting spam mail about viagra.

I don’t know what to make of this. I mean, I can get it up. I can keep it up. Up & me? We’re old friends. We go way, way back, word to the random boners I’d get in 7th grade every second period.

(how’s that for setting the tone?)

Anyway, Viagra. Cialis. Levitra. Boner pills. The thing is, baby boomers have a ton of money and not a lot of time left, so they wanna shag everything in sight and don’t mind paying money for a pill that’ll help them get it up.

I hope when I’m 68 I’ll have a smokin’ hot GILF wife that helps me stay “Ready” without the aid of prescription medication.

Pause.

***

So… LeBron James is gonna be a free agent soon.

After seeing dude collapse I was really shocked. I mean, collapse isn’t even the right word. This guy practically disintegrated right before our eyes. He rolled over and died, and maybe his legacy did too.

That being said, I still hope he comes to the Knicks. Or stays in Cleveland. Or basically goes anywhere but Chicago or Miami. I can’t handle the thought of a new Bulls dynasty, or a rejuvenated Miami heat powered by LeBron James…and I’ll tell you why.

The Knicks are gonna get players. We’ll have a decent team next year. Maybe, depending on the makeup of the East and who we get in Free Agency or thru trades, 35-45 wins and in the playoffs as anywhere from an 8th seed to a scrappy 4th or 5th seed…

…and if Miami or Chicago lands LeBron, we’ll still get walloped in the first round, or the 2nd round if A- We can make the playoffs and B- Who we play in the first round.

I can’t handle that. I can’t handle getting back into the playoffs, feeling the blessed high of an Orange and Blue New York Knicks playoff run…only to get crushed by the fucking Bulls again like we did in ’91, ’92, ’93, & ’96, or the Miami Heat who I still haven’t forgiven for the 1997 Eastern Conference Semifinals. (short version: 2 seasons after Heat Coach Pat Riley resigns from the Knicks via fax, the revamped Heat and revamped Knicks met in the 2nd round of the playoffs, Knicks were up 3-1 even tho’ MIA had home court, game five sees Charlie Ward crab walk into P.J. Brown, Brown flips Ward, fight breaks out, Ewing, Houston, and Ward are suspended in game 6 for going onto the court to break up the fight and help their teammates, Larry Johnson and John Starks are suspended for Game 7, we get blown out in Game 7 insuring that I will hate Tim Hardaway for the rest of my natural life.)

Relive the Trauma of The 1997 Knicks-Heat Series (if you’re a Knicks fan, stop at the 5:35 mark or else you’ll hurl a coffee mug thru your monitor.

Mind you, that was the only time they beat us (we almost won game 6 but fucking Dan Majerle kept hitting 3s, ugh) as we went on to defeat Miami in 5 games in the first round of the 1998 and 1999 playoffs (series were best-of-five) and in 2000 we beat them in 7 games in the 2nd round (best of 7), but still. That 1997 loss friggin’ HURT.

(sidebar: I tried finding the fight from the 1998 playoffs but I couldn’t, bah. YouTube it up)

So, point is, LeBron? ANYWHERE but Miami or Chicago. Anywhere at all. I can handle losing to another team, but I can’t handle losing to those guys anymore.

Oh, and Indiana too, but those hicks don’t have the cap space to land LBJ.

***

So… Summer Movie Season is here.

And we all know I live for Summer Movie Season. At press time the only one I’ve seen is Iron Man, but there are a ton of other movies I wanna see:

Robin Hood, The Karate Kid, The A-Team, The Expendables, Toy Story 3 (don’t front–Pixar movies are clever, funny, sweet.. the entire spectrum), Get Him To The Greek, The Other Guys, and Dinner With Schmucks.

If I had to rank them, I’d put The Karate Kid at the top of the list. Will Smith’s kid has a ton of charisma and charm, Jackie Chan has on his serious pants, and I’m a huuuuge fan of the original trilogy.

As for the sequel…

The Next Karate Kid never happened. You hear me? It never happened!” (c) Bill Simmons

***

So… Ashley Greene is hot.

And that’s why I put her picture up there.

🙂

***

Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap

Alright folks, that’s it for today. As always, any comments, questions, critiques, or shared tales of traumatic New York Knicks playoff memories can be left below in the Dr. Donda West-Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.

Thanks for tuning in,

–RTH

PS- For more of Rey’s Reviews’n’ Ramblings’n’Commentary:

Aaaaannnnd…You’re Done 2: The Return.

Rom-Com Romp, Comrades

The Celebrity WingMen Olympics

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10 Responses to “So… (A Series Of Riffs)”

  1. Mark Twain Fame aka Tank Says:

    So………………

    no comment on the Viagra paragraph except my boners came around 4 th period. LOL

    Bron Bron is most def goin to the NY…he’s gotta be.

    And since I live in the Middy, I thoroughly enjoyed those classic nasty nail biting playoff series between the Knicks and Heat. But dont worry I wont say that outloud to any new yorker.

    Summer Movies, still need to see The Losers & IM2, but I am looking forward to – Inception, The Expendables, The A-Team, TS3, Robin Hood, Prince of Persia(maybe ha), Gert Him To The Greek, Grown Up’s, Jonah Hex(another maybe but M. Fox is in it as a old west pros-ti-tot so yeah), Predators, The American, Resident Evil:Afterlife, The Adjustment Bureau, Wall Street: Money never Sleeps, Let Me In, Red, Paranormal Activity 2, Unstoppable, Tron Legacy, True Grit…ha.

    most anticipated tho is Inception & The Adjustment Bureau

    and yes this chick is a cutie…reminds me of Kate Beckinsale & Sofia Vergera.

    • reythehussein Says:

      Hmm… I forgot about Inception.. Prince of Persia I might check out on a free matinee afternoon, Jonah Hex is a definite, Grown Ups I’ll see.. Predators is a definite.. Never heard of The American, won’t see RE:A, never heard of The Adjustment Bureau, probably won’t see Wall Street, Don’t know what Let Me In or Red are/is about.. PA2 I might see, I enjoyed the first one (and the chick in it had a stellar rack)

      Don’t know what Unstoppable is about, Tron Legacy I might see with Pop Dukes.. True Grit, is that a remake? I thought that was an Eastwood flick.

      Thanks for checking in!

  2. MK Says:

    Def. looking forward to Inception, Predators, Expendables, and Toy Story 3. Might have to see Prince of Persia just to bug my girlfriend about Jake Gyllenhaal representing her culture. Karate Kid looks like Karate Crap though. What’s basketball? Should I be following it? I know Canadians invented it but I also know the only part that matters is the last 30 seconds that takes 1 hour to play. Wake me when NFL season starts again.

    • reythehussein Says:

      I’m confident Karate Kid is gonna be good. As for the rest… did Canadians really invent basketball? Was Naismith a Canuck?

  3. Mark Twain Fame aka Tank Says:

    ^^^

    Naismith was Canadian born but he actually developed it when he was in the USA…at a college in Boston, Mass.

    and also Rey…all those movies you dont know about…comingsoon.net, traileraddict.com, and wikipedia.com are your friends.

    • reythehussein Says:

      Heh, okay. *glares*

    • MK Says:

      That’s correct. Growing up, we would see “Heritage Moments” on tv during commercial breaks covering topics from the discovery of Canada to Marshall McLuhan’s stating that “the medium is the message” (with regard to television) to the invention of basketball with an old peach basket.

  4. Mark Twain Fame aka Tank Says:

    and also True Grit was a old Western staring John “Fuck John Wayne, he was a racist(c) Chuck D” Wayne

  5. Inside Pulse Wrestling | Suspension of Disbelief: TNA Wrestling Report for 07.08.2010 – Motor City Machine Guns, Mr. Anderson, Madison Rayne, Jeff Hardy, Ric Flair & A.J. Styles Says:

    […] This upsets me because I hate the Miami f**king Heat. I’ve hated them since 1995, when Riley left my Knicks via fax. I hated them even more during the 1996-1997 season, when they were a powerhouse that beat out my Knicks by 4 games for the Atlantic Division title. Then during the 1997 NBA Playoffs, I hated them with a fire that rivals a thousand suns, as I describe here. […]

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