Dr. Beardhussein Give His 2 Cents On Today’s Radio
First off, lemme just say that I’ve been in a much better mood lately. The advice people have been giving me to be myself, and to let my own light shine, has hit home. I’m doing my best to remember the advice given to me, and to honor the people who took an interest in my well being.
So, that being said, it’s time to get back to the business of being not very serious at all. This is our little corner of Los Internetitos, where you can say what you want without disclaimers, without douchebags & e-thugs talking shit at you.
Let those Cool Kids Smoking in the Bathroom do whatever the heck they want. This here is ReyTheHussein & his E-Fam’s turf.
Get my fuckin’ Star Wars DVDs in the back.
So I was driving back from Applebees tonite after a lovely meal of half-priced appetizers and the company of Maverick and The Dizzle (friends of mine and the parents of my nephew, Patronus), Tiburon, and DTMJ, and I was pondering the state of radio programming today.
Of course, that was difficult because my radio is possessed and it jumps from station to station. Not even from good station to good station, or heck, one station that comes in clear to another. No sir. It picks random ass frequencies with no station to jump to. But that’s neither here…nor there.
Point is, radio nowadays sucks something terrible. For one, why is it that whenever one station goes to commercial, they all go to commercial? Do those fuckers plan that? Come on, man. Funk Dat! (c) Sagat. I’ll break it down for you, RTH style.
Morning Radio: The morning drive is especially annoying. Why? Because most of the time they don’t play any music. I don’t mind traffic and weather, but I hate the news because it’s so fucking depressing. Shit’s like the m’fuckin’ obituaries. The alternative to news and local stuff, is the annoying ass “Morning Zoo” shows. I mean, you have the main DJ guy, his wacky sidekick, the dirty old man, and the token female. It’s nothing but unfunny song parodies, celebrity news, and prank calls. Lemme fuckin’ tell you.. Anyone who is still amused by prank calls (crank calls) after the age of 14 should be beaten with sticks by burly men named “Hank”. Then of course, you have “Urban Radio”. Urban radio is basically a former b-list musician/comedian with a DJ people remember from a 2000 mixtape they borrowed and lost, and a C-F list comedian chiming in. (I’m talking to you Jonesy, Envy, and Mike Sean). They have the same shit as the top 40 station’s Morning Zoo shows, but with an extra layer of ignorance layered on top like sour cream, cheese, and bacon on top of mashed potatos. The ignorance varies from politics to race relations to gay/lesbian/bisexual commentary. Point is, if it’s insipid and offensive, they’ll say it. Finally, you have the Shock Jocks–which combine all of the annoying shit from Urban Radio and Top 40 radio and layer on some anatomical references and bodily functions.
“Throwback/Old-School at Noon” Shows- Look… Run-DMC, Slick Rick, Rakim, Early Nas & Wu-Tang, Ready to Die era Biggie–THAT’S old school. Bullshit like “Make ’em say Ugh” or motherfucking “Peaches and Cream” are NOT old school. If the shit came out within the last ten years, it doesn’t count. Program directors who think that “Get Your Freak On” is (1) a good song, or (2) a throwback need to be beaten by effeminate men named “Byron”.
Afternoon Drive- Ya know, I don’t really have a problem with these guys. They tend to play a bunch of records from all eras–including unknowns and not-commercial-juggernauts (bitch!) as well as the current annoying gimmick song, as well as good songs from quality artists. On Hot 97’s afternoon drive I’ve heard Common, Joell Ortiz, Pap, MIMS, and Kanye all on one ride home. Top 40 stations will usually put some kind of mix show on with some interesting blends. No real complaints here.
Evening Shift- This is where the shit gets annoying again. Countdown shows litter the airwaves and we’re forced to hear songs that bored 16 year olds request. “Hi? This is Becca? and I wanna hear ‘Crank dat’ by Soulja Boy? Cuz my friends and I wanna dance to it?” or “Yo w’sup, dis Dayquan reppin’ BK! BK status all day, kid. Turnstile Jumpers in full effect. Yo, play dat new Yung Ign’ant joint, ‘$pendin’ Dollaz’!” (1). I mean, the songs on these countdowns are the same songs that have been payola’d onto the airwaves 43 times already that day, but apparently Courtney from the ‘burbs and Waneeka from the ‘urbs have to request that bullshit one moooore time.
Late Night- Top 40 radio at nite (after the annoying countdown shows) usually has some kind of techno/house THUMP THUMP THUMP THUMPTHUMPTHUMP show–which I only really mind when the songs go for too long, or when there aren’t any lyrics. Techno Thump music is actually a lot of fun when you’re making up silly dances, or you’re drunk enough to not give a shit who’s watching you. That techno version of Steve Winwood’s “Call on me (valerie)” song makes yours truly geek out in spectacular fashion. Still tho’, there is an annoying amount of techno crap music out there. Some song an asshole recorded in his basement using bass and blips and boops (no betty) and having his cousin’s voice filtered and repeating the word “Dance” ad nauseum never ceases to annoy me.
Late nite on Urban stations is the most annoying shit ever. Ya’ll know why:
To all the ladies in the place with style and grace… *DJ scratches* To all the ladies in the place with style and grace… *bomb drops* To all the ladies in the place with style and grace… *”YO YO YO! IT’S GOIN’ DOWN! TASTY TASTE! TONE DEF! ICE COLD! NI**AS WIT’ HATS IS IN DA BUILDING!”*… *bomb drops* *”WE GON’ GET INTO DIS BIGGIE JOINT! REST IN PEACE, CHRISTOPHER WALLACE!”* To all the ladies in the place with style and grace… *scratches* *”YO! I DON’T THINK YA’LL UNDERSTAND! THIS YOUR BOY SOUND BLASTA 9000! IT! IS! GOING! DOWN!”* To all the ladies in the place with style and grace…
Yeah. That. For like 5 minutes.
Me personally, I like adult contemporary stations because they play love songs at night. Yeah, I said it. After a late nite of whatever–movies, the bar, applebees–It’s way nicer to have a mellow car ride home listening to “I don’t know much” by Aaron Neville and Linda Rondstat, or “As I Lay Me Down To Sleep” by Sophie B. Hawkins than it is to blast Kanye or BIG or Jay or Fall Out Boy. The nite is winding down and I wanna relax, not have the bass in the car attract the attention of Johnny Law, or annoy anybody sleeping. People that do that = Douchebags.
Call Reynolds, Cuz it’s a Wrap
I don’t do much radio listening anymore. Too much payola and politics, too many annoying DJs, not enough good music. But, from time to time, it’s not that bad. That being said: Music Eskay posts on www.NahRight.com > Everything on the radio but adult contemprary pop.
Alright kids, I’m outtie. Have a good nite, and if you’re reading this, feel free to leave some feedback in the Christopher Wallace Memorial Comments Section.
Thanks for checking in,
(1) “$pendin’ Dollaz” by Yung Ign’ant
Uh Uh Uh… Yung I-G-N
Dis ya boy yung ig doin’ big things
Dis ya boy yung ig buyin’ big rings
I be buyin’ whips like a dominatrix
Big Body Benz, how could you hate this?
You know I sell crack like keysha and the duh-duh man
recognize the struggle, I came from the gutta, man
24’s on the ride candy paint lookin’ tasty
gotcho girl givin’ me bluetooth, is that why you hate me?
the boy Yung Ig stay in gucci and prada
Yung Ig baby, I be spendin’ dollaz
Don’t worry about litter, got cashmere for my cat
Gotta thousand dollar toothbrush, gold-plated hat
homes for my bitches, got the whole hood to holla
There go Yung Ign’ant, that boy be spendin’ dollaz